awae - i n s t a g r a m

172

anne's pov

How exactly am I supposed to react to this?

I can't even be mad at him! It had to be my fault. I did something wrong.

I knew it was dangerous to give so much of yourself to someone else, to trust someone with the power to make or break you.

I hate him.

I should hate him.

The problem is I still love him.

I will always love him, my beautiful jerk of a soulmate.

All I want is to run into his arms and cry while he holds me like he always did.

I trusted him with every fiber in my being, and he disregarded me completely. It's hard not to question everything now. Did he ever love me? Could I ever really trust him? Did I mean anything to him? I could've sworn he loved me, his 'i love you' s were as common as air to me. Was it all fake?

What's worse is what I found out last night. I had been so scared, but found relief knowing we'd be doing it together, and now? How am I going to do this alone? I don't think I can.

I also don't want to tell anybody just yet. I found out a couple months ago with some digging that my mother had had a history of miscarriages, the doctors warned us it may pass down to me which was devastating for the both of us. What if—? No. I can't think like that.

That stupid stupid boy.

That horrid man.

That untrustworthy cad.

I can't let him win. I can't let my anger take control. I have to stay calm and stay my normal happy, positive self. I can do that... right?

Be normal, act unaffected. Sounds easy enough. Starting now, there is or was no Gil— man. I will just move on.

I'll never love anyone like I love him though. God, I love him.

No. He cheated. Betrayed me. He's nothing but a jerk who doesn't deserve my love.

I wish I could just lay with him by the fire, that used to solve everything.

But even if the unimaginable happens and somehow he isn't to blame, will I ever be able to trust him?

Shoot. This is going to be harder then I thought.

a/n sorry it's short, and most definitely confusing, but i'm showing you a glimpse into her mind, which is very confused. so if you're confused i did my job haha!

also, did you catch what was hinting towards? 😏

Also!! I just posted 2 new one shots that I LOVE, so go check them out if ya want! ❤️