𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬 (Ray Toro x Reader)

I can't

it was like your whole world crumbled around you reading the message. 

mom was gone. 

you felt a heaviness lay on your chest and pressure was building up in your head, you got off Ray and sat criss-cross on the bed and called your brother, Ray sat up  and placed his hand on your leg and rubbed gently, 

"is everything okay?" he asked softly, the phone picked up and you didn't respond to Ray's question, 

"Hello?" jeff said on the other line, his voice was shaky, and was choking up. god, the emotional prick was seriously crying over the witch's death.  

"so mom is actually gone?" you asked softly, Ray gripped your leg a bit, you looked up at him and frowned a bit, he moved towards you and wrapped his arms around you tightly. you leaned into his chest and gripped your phone, 

"yeah, s-shes gone. I just got the call when i messaged you," 

"well, okay w-when are you going to hold the funeral and where?"

"Jesus she just died! I don't know where or when, but probably sometime next week. I don't even know why you want to come! it's not like you cared about her! you couldn't even come down to Jersey to be here with her," you groaned and rubbed your head, 

"look I wanted to come down, I really did but I don't think you realize everything shes put me through, please I'm not in the financial state to come to New Jersey whenever I want," 

"Right right, boo hoo mom yelled at you a few times, you know you never made things easy for her anyways! you were always gone!" he raised his voice at you a bit, 

"excuse me?! yelled at me?!" you raised your voice back, "right, it wasn't her who threw me around like a rag doll, or smacked me around, it was just a ghost wasn't it? I was never around because I was living someplace else so that I didn't have to be around you, dad or mom!" you yelled at the phone, you started shaking a bit, 

"she never did any of that to you! what do you even mean! there wasn't a mean bone in her body!" he yelled back, tears welled in your eyes and you squeezed your phone, 

"look I'm not having this discussion with someone who didn't truly know her! just text me the information of when and where the funeral is, I want to come despite what you say." you hung up on him and tossed your phone off to the side and just broke down. hot tears began to stream down your face as you were overtaken by large waves of just violently shaking sobs. Ray shushed you softly and wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling you into his chest and placing his hand over your head and petting your hair. 

"it's okay, just let it all out," he said calmly, you pulled your knees to your chest, nuzzling yourself in between his legs and against his chest, you covered your face so that he couldn't see your face while crying. you hated crying in front of people, even if you were comfortable with them. but between your mom, your brother, and everything going on, you just couldn't. 

Ray rocked you side to side a bit and continued to shush you to try and calm you down, you wheezed a bit and covered your mouth to cover the sounds. he uncovered your mouth and held your hand. you sniffled and wiped your face and tried to calm down. he grabbed some of his shirts and wiped your face down gently and looked down at you. 

"I just hate them so much," you mumbled through shakey breaths, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop crying. "just saying that she only yelled a few times at me, you saw me growing up! I always had bruises, sprains, cuts, the list g-goes on!" you started to shake even more and your nose grew hot from the tears that wanted to leave your system,

"I know honey, I know," he said softly, you knew he didn't want to say much just so you could have a chance to talk and get everything you needed to say off your chest. but you didn't really want to talk about it, you didn't feel like it. you took a few deep breaths and wiped your face down. you got another message, you heard your phone buzzed against the water bed. you sighed and reached over and looked at the message, to your surprise it wasn't your brother, it was your landlord. 

Messages

Thomas
this is your final warning if you don't get me the 3 months of rent, and this month's utilities by Friday night I'm going to have to evict you. 

you
ill figure something out

you closed your phone and tried not to cry again, this was something you couldn't tell ray,  there was no way you'd be able to tell him. you could find a few bucks laying around, but also you only had 2 days. you grumbled a bit and leaned into him, 

"was that Jeff?" Ray asked softly, you looked up at him and shook your head no, 

"just s-spam," you leaned over and plugged in your phone once more and leaned back on him. he laid down with you and held you close to him. 

"h-hey, would it be monstrous o-of me if I a-asked if we tried dated sometime later? I-I just don't know if its the right time to jump into a relationship right now," you asked softly, you looked up at him and his expression dropped, you didn't want to end so soon, and you knew he didn't either-

"its okay, yeah no that's fine, I kinda figured you were going to ask that, this was bad timing," he said softly, you frowned and gripped his shirt, 

"j-just give me till after the funeral at least, t-that's all," you wrapped yourself around him and kissed his cheek repeatedly, he looked at you and smiled a bit, 

"look it's all okay, you're worth the wait," he cupped your face and kissed your nose before he grabbed the blanket and covered you and himself up. 

"will you still go to the funeral with me?" you asked, wrapping your arms around him and sniffling, 

"of course, I wanna be there for you, I know that's going to be a hard time for you," he rubbed your back, 

"thank you," you mumbled, wiping your eyes once more and laying your head on his chest. he held you tightly in his arms and gently petted your hair as you drifted off into your sleep.