tangled up in blue

20

As I started to slip away from the world of sleep, my head throbbed painfully. I scrunched up my nose in annoyance that I was waking up from the best rest I'd had in a while, and I shifted in the sheets.

Why is it so warm? And comfy?

I decided not to care as I snuggled into the soothing heat, and whatever was lying beside me pulled my body closer towards it, simultaneously wrapping us further under the duvet. But as I shuffled my face further down the pillow, my nose brushed against something. I managed to blink my eyes open to peer with a confused frown at the soft, comfortable shape I was wrapped around. I wasn't sure if it was just my headache, but the thing that had its arms circled around me looked suspiciously like a person.

Or, on closer inspection, it looked suspiciously like Jace.

We slept face to face, cocooned within the blankets. One of Jace's hands twitched in his sleep, causing me to realize it was holding my thigh that I'd thrown over his legs. My thigh, that was clothed in nothing but boxers.

I broke out of my quiet shock and scrambled back to the other side of the mattress, making a sound halfway between strangled and traumatized.

"Ugh, come back. You're warm," he groaned sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he slowly opened them in an attempt to find the source of the noise. His gaze landed on me, and he froze. I froze back. We stared at each other for a few beats, taking in how disheveled we both looked until he broke the silence.

"Well, shit."

I blinked, trying to process what I was seeing. And then I panicked. "Well shit? That's all?" I yelled in exasperation.

"Okay," he said, holding out his hands as if I was a wild animal that he was trying to tame. "Don't freak out."

"Oh, I'm not freaking out. Cause this is perfectly fucking normal." I flushed as I scrambled out of bed, realizing I was half naked. "W-what happened?"

I already knew the answer. Much to my dismay, I hadn't decided to get so drunk that the memories evaded me. Instead, they came back in fragments. His hands in my hair, my back arched under his hands, his tongue flicking out like a match across the heat between my legs and soaking up every last drop of my shameful, white lust. It had been godly. And I hated myself.

I continued when he didn't answer, as if it was all coming back to him too. "Jace, please tell me we didn't... that you didn't..." My voice was weak, a stark contrast to my wild heartbeat. "Did you give me a... a..."

"A blowjob?" He said suddenly, his expression a mix between pained, and forced nonchalance. "Yeah. Pretty sure I did."

"No..." I whispered, running a hand through my hair and staring at the carpet in shock. "No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening. I'm not... you're not-"

"I'm not what?"

I looked at him incredulously, and the urge to punch him grew even stronger. "A fucking girl."

He frowned at me mockingly. "Really, Quinn? That's a shocking observation."

"This is all your fault," I half shouted, half hissed at the shirtless boy in front of me. "I-I didn't want this."