Back To You.

06

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Everything is grey, his hair, his smoke, his dreams and now he's so devoid of colors he don't know what it means, and he's blue.
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Caden's Point of View.

I've never been this confused in a long time, I can't go to Club Blue. I can't go to the Liquor Store or any one in Gotham for that matter, I've been banned, word spreaded.

Rye is dead, which means my only friend and my only shit supplier is dead, I have to get a dealer as soon as possible. I don't have the strength to go through withdrawal symptoms, not that I have any thoughts of quitting drugs. It's an addiction, my life now, no need to sugarcoat shit, I'm a stoner, a junkie, does life gets any better, or any worse?.

I'm so lonely right now it hurts. I crave legit acid. I love to hallucinate. I love to pretend. I love to dream. I love to live a lie which was what I'd been doing with Fiona and I's relationship, I mean how on Earth do you tell the girl you love that, how do you do it.

Hey vanilla, so I'm an orphan, I killed my father because he killed my mother, broke her neck in front of me to be precise because she was using pills, preventing his crazy dream of having another girl and naming her Caramel. Did I mention I murdered my 12 years old sister when I was 7. I hope I didn't skip the part that my elder brother willingly watched my father kill our mother, sorry if I did, it's just so complicated.

Perhaps I should have sat her down and tell her about my Addiction, about Vincent, about Momma, about Mel, about Victor, about Lia, about William and Willia, oh William, I miss him so much, but I didn't, I didn't tell Vanilla anything, I was living a lie, and I enjoyed it. Who can blame?, my trauma weighs me down regularly, it's not my fault I want to forget, just for a while.

I stop walking and I stare at the inscription on the wall in front of me.

I'm not asking for "and they lived happily ever after". I'm only asking for "and they lived".

Reading it thrice, a sense of loss, guilt, loss and pain floods me, nobody lived. Roseanna Manchester Lockwood is dead. Victor Lockwood is dead. Caramel Lyla Lockwood is dead. Victor Linus Lockwood might as well be dead, and I, Caden Ian Manchester died a long time ago. I'm a shell, a ghost, void, empty, I'm dead, no wonder Fiona left me.

I try to imagine my family alive, I try to imagine, and it just makes me sadder because there I go again, pretending. I don't want a happily ever after with Fiona, I just want a life with her, but my chances of a happy ending gets slimmer every second that passes without her near to me.

Fiona is an amazing soul, a person I hope is my soulmate, but she's gone, and deep down I know I'll never feel this way with any other person again. Fiona is my epic love, but can it really be called love when it was built on lies and lies and more lies. One thing I'm sure of is I Love her.

Fiona is and will always be the love of my life, until the end, always and after forever.

Giving the inscription on the wall one last look, I walk away. I'm not asking for a happily ever after, all I'm asking for is a happy life with the one I love, with both of us alive, but, I'm a drug addict, that type of life is not for me.

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In front of Fiona's hostel or should I say, Fiona's former hostel. I stare at it, flashes of memory everywhere, her car is no where in sight, like her.