I'm a DiNozzo

Please? (16)

Ellie's P.O.V.

Black dress (Like the one above but... yk... black)

Black shoes

Black mascara

Black tulle in my hair

Black everything.

Everything was black.

Knock knock knock.

"Ellie? Ellie, you ready to go?"

I sniffed and turned to look at dad standing in the doorway in a black dress suit.

I nodded once.

But I wasn't ready.

Can you ever really be ready?

We got to the funeral sight and I immediately saw Jack.
He was standing alone. All by himself.

I ran up to him- and his arms wrapped around me tighter than they ever had before.

"I'm so sorry Jack." I whispered.

"I am too. How're you holding up?"

"Doing better physically than mentally." I replied laughing slightly. 

"That's good."

I squeezed him tighter, before letting go so that we could sit down.

We held hands as the words of Brock's mum went right over our heads. Jack stood up for his turn to speak but almost immediately had to sit back down again. "Would you come with me?" He asked in a quiet voice. I nodded and the two of us stood up together.

I stood right next to Jack, squeezing his hand in mine.

"Brock was my brother." Jack stared into the mic because his voice wasn't entirely clear right now. "He took care of me. He was always happy, and-" But I couldn't pay attention. I just couldn't. Because it was already going to be hard enough to give my eulogy, much less listen to everyone else's.

But then it was my turn.

And it was so much harder than I expected it to be. "I'm not great at speaking." I started, trying to direct my voice towards the microphone because it wasn't reliable right now. "I'm better at writing. But I couldn't bring myself to write something down for him. So for Brock I'll try to speak.

"Brock and I were friends for pretty much as long as I can remember. He was my best friend. Brock was the first person I had opened myself up to. He really was my first friend." A lot of what I said I had planned to say. Because funerals aren't for the dead. They're for the living.

"Brock had a lot he still had to do. He shouldn't've had to go so soon. He was so strong and kind. So ready to help. He joked around a lot, made everyone laugh."

This however, I hadn't planned to say. "I loved Brock. He was my first love. He would always say this to me. "There's always a little truth behind 'just kidding'. A little emotion behind 'I don't care'. A little pain behind 'It's okay'. And a lot of words behind silence. So be kind. People are always recovering from things you don't know about." And this has always resonated with me. Because it's very true. A lot of people say that a women's vocabulary is really confusing because they never say what they mean. But if you really think about it, does anyone ever say what they mean? It's really really hard to.

"But Brock did it. So I'm going to try for him. I loved him... And I still do. And I always will."

Jack and I sat down again then after a few more words, we buried him.

I added a handful of hydrangea seeds on top of his grave because they were his favourite flower. Jack and I were still holding hands tightly. I couldn't feel it anymore. But what I could feel was my and Jack's shaking.