Depression and anxiety set in
But if she truly loves me then
Why do I feel like I’m not good enough for her
She wouldn’t meet up with me every day
Hold my hand tight
Kiss me
Hug me
‘Pester’ me (as she would say)
If she doesn’t love me
She’s actually really mean to her friends
And there’s me
She’s nice to me
I love her
And she loves me
So why do I feel this way
This seems so familiar
The insecurity
The water rising up again
The same situation as then
Before
And now
This is what happens when you suffer
Not just suffer but suffer with someone
You know someone else feels this way
You feel better knowing that you’re not the only one
But you feel bad because someone else feels this pain
This suffocation
If I was supposed to be dead I’d be dead by down
I don’t think twice about what I say
I mean it when I say it
I am a disease
I’d be dead if I wanted to but death said it’s not my time so he’s killing me slowly with this agony
Of course if I were to say that in front of other people I wouldn’t attempt the quote
I’m too intelligent for some
And that scares me
Because sometimes I’ don’t even understand me
This twisted feeling in my stomach
Someone would say butterflies
But I just say that it’s my nerves
That want to throw up
The panic
The heart racing
The fingers tapping
The best I can do is tap them
I can’t do much more
I’d write
This was closer to me though
I breathe
I attempt this
My voice don’t let up
My eyes widen
I can’t breathe
Suffer
Suffering
I don’t want to suffer but I know that I have to
I’ve lived through this before
I can live through it again
I feel the panic arise
