Vulnerable Heart

Chapter 4:Day 4: The Perfect Man

It was difficult to sleep. The previous day had proved more than exhausting to Yi Jeong. Checking his clock, he realized it was only 4 am. Yi Jeong had spent more than half the night up working on a new pottery creation inside his kiln. Ga Eul's words had gravely affected him and while part of him was afraid of the country bumpkin who could look past all of his bullshit, another side of him was more than a little intrigued by it. Deep down he wished he could let someone in but there was just too much of his life that had been soiled with the bad and allowing innocence in would not only taint it but destroy it.

Placing his pieces in the fire to harden and make themselves into the hard appearance but very fragile tea set he sighed. It was a cold morning and the warmth of the fire did nothing to warm him inside. It was a reflection of who he had become and Yi Jeong was disgusted with himself for knowing he would never feel anything but bitterness and self-loathe.

"Up already?"
For a very brief moment, Yi Jeong froze thinking that Eun Jae had once again sought him out though he quickly relaxed when he realized it was his brother. The calm came for a second, only to be replaced by shame and guilt as it always did. Smiling, however; Yi Jeong put up a front for his brother in order to shield him of a pain that Yi Jeong knew would not only make Il Hyun hate him, but break his heart as well.

"I couldn't sleep." Yi Jeong answered his brother who offered him a smile.

"You'll catch a cold in this weather if you don't keep warm." Il Hyun responded placing a blanket over Yi Jeong's shoulders that made Yi Jeong feel like a child again.

There were times when both Il Hyung and Yi Jeong would be in the Kiln together, years before Il Hyun had given up on becoming a potter. This place had been something shared between both brothers as a safe haven. It was a place where they would play together, hide away from both their parents. It was a place where all their bad childhood memories were replaced by good ones and their parents' burdens could not reach them.

"I haven't been here in such a long time." Il Hyun says to him with a soft melancholic smile.

"You could always pick things up where you left them hyung. This Kiln still belongs to you too."
Il Hyun offers Yi Jeong a smile and ruffles his hair playfully as he would a child and Yi Jeong can't help but smile at the gesture.

"Some things can't be picked up after leaving them. I've lost what little touch I had with pottery."

"Besides. I'm happy." Il Hyun tells him with a smile on his face.

"Why are you here so early?" Yi Jeong questioned.

"I don't know. Something just told me to come." Il Hyun shrugs.

"My big brother senses." He adds with a smile and Yi Jeong can't help but feel that pain in his chest. He doesn't say it but more than guilt there is loneliness and abandonment. After Il Hyun left the So Mansion there wasn't much of him that Yi Jeong saw. It was only now that he had become engaged to Eun Jae and was marrying her that Yi Jeong once again began to see him around again.

"I'm happy you know." Il Hyun continues, interrupting Yi Jeong's train of thought. Though there is not much that Yi Jeong can tell his brother without shattering his happiness, he simply smiles.

"Eun Jae makes me really happy. She's perfect."

"You should settle down yourself. You'd be a lot happier." Il Hyun tells him nudging him playfully and Yi Jeong can't help but laugh at his brothers' statement.

If there is one thing So Yi Jeong can never see himself doing is marrying someone. There were certain rules to high society one had to follow and that included marrying someone that was equal in status with your family. Whereas Il Hyun had a choice as to who he could marry Yi Jeong knew he did not.