Psychology Facts

▼ Daddy Issues ▼

》 Daddy issues is a term that describes the effects of the emotional wounds inflicted on a child from an emotionally unavailable father. Those wounds, if left unhealed, may lead you to look for external validation from men to know your worth.

》 This is a term coined to describe a person who has unconscious impulses and associations as a result of a poor relationship with their father.

》 From that theory came the Oedipus complex, the theory that children have a subconscious attraction to their opposite sex parent.

》 In psychology, 'daddy issues' are described as a 'father complex.' A father complex develops when a person has a poor relationship with his or her father. The need for approval, support, love, and understanding progresses into adulthood, and it may result in bad decisions with relationships.

》 Somewhere along the way, society colloquialized 'father complex' into 'daddy issues' and eventually attached the phrase only to women. In psychology, we still use father complex in reference to both genders.

》 Men with father complexes tend to struggle with approval and self-worth, while women tend to yearn for protection and validation.

》 Attachment styles are categorized as being either secure or insecure, with several subtypes of insecure attachment styles, including:

Anxious-preoccupied. People with this attachment type may be anxious, crave closeness, but feel insecure about their partner leaving them.

Dismissive-avoidant. People with this type may have trouble trusting others for fear that they'll be hurt.

Fearful-avoidant. People with this type may feel unsure about intimacy and tend to run away from experiencing difficult feelings.

》 It's believed that people will gravitate toward the type of relationships they've had in the past, even if it was a troubled one.
If your relationship with your caregiver was a traumatic or disappointing one, you may be more likely to choose a partner who will disappoint you the same way.

》 Here are a few signs you might have "daddy issues," aka attachment issues:

You're only attracted to older men.

They're often financially stable, and they appear confident and know exactly what to do. If you've had a complicated relationship with your father, your subconscious may crave a father figure to protect and adore you. You may yearn for an older man to provide the affection you missed in childhood.

You need constant reassurance of love and affection.

You continually compare yourself to their past partners and everyone else on the planet. If you have attachment issues, you may feel insecure with your partner and constantly need assurance that they love you. This can get exhausting, and eventually the neediness may push them away, which will reinforce your greatest fear—you are unlovable and unwanted.

You know you've got a complicated relationship with your dad.

Was your father absent in your life? Was he physically present but emotionally unavailable? Was your father abusive toward you physically, emotionally, or sexually?
If you said yes to any of the above, that's reason enough to assume you may have attachment issues that require healing.

You give the impression that you only care about sex.

You crave sex. Lots of it. You feel loved when having sex with someone. You sometimes engage in risky behaviors to satisfy your needs. Your self-esteem tends to be based on whether or not someone wants you sexually.
Sometimes we use feeling attractive to others through sex as a proxy for feeling loved and adored, and this can be especially true for people who struggle with attachment issues.

You are clingy, jealous, or overprotective.

People with insecure relationships with their earliest caregivers often grow up to have an anxious attachment style, meaning you constantly worry that your partner might leave you. You might get jealous frequently and find yourself checking their cellphone, just to make sure they're not cheating

You're terrified of being alone.

You would rather be in a dysfunctional relationship than be single. You bounce from relationship to relationship, and experience all the issues that go with rebound dating and rushing into relationships without giving them time to see if there's compatibility.

》 A poor relationship with a caregiver can definitely affect your sexual behavior, but evidence on if and how it affects a person's sexual identity is mixed.
Not to push the gendered stereotype, but a lot of the research available on how a poor relationship with a father affects a child's well-being and development is focused on females, mainly cisgender and heterosexual.

》According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)Trusted Source, poor parent-child relationships, particularly with fathers, is one of the risk factors linked to a greater likelihood of perpetrating sexual violence.

》 If you have daddy issues, the following tips can help you along your healing journey:

1. Identify old stories.

2. Grieve

3. Notice

》 The best way to overcome a father complex is through therapy. A therapist can help you understand the root cause of your emotions and behaviors, then work with you to find personalized solutions for them. Therapy is an adaptive process that covers a wide range of