Do You Believe in Magic?

-- 18 --

She stared at him blankly. It was only now that she realized everything was not moving. Only she and Lorenz did. Para siyang binuhusan ng tubig. Hindi niya malaman kung malamig ba o mainit. Wala siyang pakiramdam. Was she dreaming? She looked at Lorenz. He smiled at her, with love.

"Hun, thank you! Thank you for being with me. I was so lonely I left you without a word. I'm sorry people blamed you. I couldn't protect you." Although he's smiling his eyes said differently, those were lonely.

She was frozen. Totoo palang wala na si Lorenz. Hindi lang siya nanaginip noon at hindi rin totoong panaginip lang yun nung magising siya?

She got scared. No, not because she was talking with him. But she was really scared that he's gone. Paano ba siya magigising? Paano kung magigising siya, wala na si Lorenz. Gulong-gulo na siya.

"No" her voice was shaking.

Lumapit sa kanya si Lorenz. He held her hands. Cold hands. Tinignan niya ito sa mga mata. Hindi niya alam kung paanong hindi pa siya tumutumba gayong sobra-sobra ang damdaming iba-iba na kanyang nararamdaman. Malinaw na sa kanya ang lahat. Naalala na niya. Totoong nawala na si Lorenz sa kanya. Matagal na. It was painful, really painful. Ngayong nasa harapan niya ito, nakakausap, hindi niya alam ang mararamdaman. Natutuwa siya sapagkat parang bumalik sila sa dati. Ngunit, kung mawala na siya sa lugar na ito na hindi niya alam kung anong mahika ang dala, pagdadaanan na naman niya ang sakit na mawala uli si Lorenz sa kanya.

"Why? Why am I here?" She was looking around. She was lost. "

Ngumiti si Lorenz. Kung paano siya nginingitian nito noon. May pagmamahal, may pagkalinga. Kumirot ang puso niya. "Love. Because of love. Because you believe in the magic of love."

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Lorenz. I'm sorry." humahagulgol niyang nawika.  Since she's here, it was an opportunity to tell him that she was so sorry about what happened between them.

Lorenz hugged him, tight. It was magical. She felt the love. Nagtaas siya ng paningin. He was looking at her and kissed her forehead. "I love you! Sorry. Sorry that you have to go through all that pain… and I wasn't there."

"No, I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry it happened. I love you. I love you, Lorenz. Naririnig mo ba ko? Nararamdaman mo ba?" parang gusto nya nang magwala sa nararamdaman niya. It was really happening. She was talking to him and able to say what she wanted to say. "Mahal na mahal kita, Lorenz. Sorry."

"Wala kang kasalanan. I know. I love you!"

"I can be here. Dito na lang ako. Kung anomang lugar 'to, dito na lang ako. Ayoko nang hindi ka kasama. I died too back then. I was breathing but I have no life. Lorenz, dito na lang ako. Wag ka nang mawala please. I can't. Hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko na makakaya. Please say hindi ka na mawawala. Hindi ako aalis dito. You said it's magic. I choose this. Ayoko nang bumalik kung sa'n man ako dapat bumalik."

Lorenz hugged him again. She kissed him. He was right, it was magic. Para siyang sasabog sa nararamdaman. Nangingibabaw ngayon ang kasiyahan dahil kasama na niya muli ito at kung buhay man niya ang kapalit, she would willingly sacrifice her life just to live with him.

"Mama, mama!" kumawala siya sa pagkakayakap kay Lorenz. Who was that? That was familiar. 

"mamama…" the child's voice murmured again. Pagkarinig muli sa boses na iyon para siyang idinuyan nang malakas sa bangin. She closed her eyes. Was she still sane? Dumoble ang luhang bumalong sa kanyang mga mata. It was Gabriella. Her baby. 

When she woke up, it was as if she couldn't breathe. She didn't want to. Everything was still clear to her but she wasn't sure. Nanaginip lang ba siya, was it a nightmare? No, it couldn't, being with Lorenz wouldn't be a nightmare. 

Tumingin siya sa paligid. She was in a hospital. Pinilig niya ang ulo at isa-isang nagdatingan sa kanya ang mga alaala bago ang isang magandang panaginip na iyon. She drunk too much sleeping pills that night. Siguro nga iyon, baka nga iyon. 

Walang nagbabantay sa kanya ng mga oras na iyon. Pero kalmado ang loob nyang nasa mabuting kamay si Gabriella. Her family loved Gabriella so much, hindi nila siya pababayaan.

She was thankful that she could be with her baby again. She's breathing. But she was more thankful, that she was alone. She had time to think about her dream. Ipinikit niya ang mga mata. Malinaw pa sa alaala niya ang mga pangyayari. Ramdam niya pa ang mga halik ni Lorenz, ang mahigpit na yakap nito sa kanya, ang mga kamay nitong parang ayaw siyang bitawan. Was it just a dream? 

It was a happy dream. But it was also painful. Mariin niya uling ipinikit ang mga mata. "God, I miss you so much Lorenz." Baka kaya napaginipan niya nang ganoon si Lorenz dahil natatandaan niya ang dahilan ng pag-inom niya ng gamot ay dahil hindi siya makatulog sa mga rumaragasang alaala ng nakaraan. 

How she wished that it was true. But she knew that it would be so selfish. She also couldn't bear, even just the thought, that she couldn't be with Gabriella anymore. 

Tinignan niya ang mga kamay niya na mariing hawak ni Lorenz sa kanyang panaginip. Gaano na ba siya katagal doon sa hospital na parang ang tagal niyang nakasama si Lorenz sa panaginip? 

Maraming taon na pala ang lumipas. Ngunit sa panaginip niyang iyon ay parang kahapon lang ang lahat. Parang nakasama niya talaga si Lorenz. Nanariwa lahat ang alaala at sakit na hanggang ngayon ay dala-dala niya.

While she was looking at her hands, unti-unti niyang binuksan ang mga palad niya, saka pa lang niya naisip na mayroon siyang hawak. It was a flower. That flower in her dream!