Alice Windsor | BRF Story

18.

Clare Hall, Dorset

September 2012

There was a light breeze when Alice opened her eyes that morning. It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust to the early morning sunlight but when they did Alice noticed that the window she had left open the evening before was still open and so were the curtains, allowing Alice to actually see what her room view was like. After a yawn, and after realising she was still wearing the dress from the night before, Alice sat down on the bed and looked around, finally noticing the body laying on the sofa opposite to her bed. She knew that hair and shoulders from a mile away and she couldn't contain a smile from appearing as she got up and walked near where Edward was laying down. 

She couldn't remember much after Edward laid her down on the bed the night before, but she did remember he found her on the bathroom, a scene she knew she would have to explain to him the moment he would get up. But for now Alice was enjoying looking at his sleeping face, and his calm features somehow made the butterflies inside Alice's stomach flutter even more but for an entirely different reason. 

Edward shifted in the sofa, now laying on his back but with his head still facing where Alice was kneeled, and Alice let out a small giggle when she noticed how his feet were hanging off the sofa, which was now clearly too small for the marquess. However, she did regret laughing when one of Edward's eyes opened and a grin appeared on the side of his lips. 

"What are you laughing at?"

"That you're too big for the sofa." 

"Yeah, well, I didn't think you'd want to wake up with me sleeping beside you, so the next best option was the sofa."

Alice's smile faded as she uttered those words and sat straight on the sofa, finally fully facing Alice. 

"You shouldn't have stayed, Edward, I was fine. You should have gone back to your wife."

"You weren't fine, Lily. And my wife be damned if I would let my princess sleep in the bathroom floor." 

She wasn't sure what he meant when he said that she was 'his princess', and even if it did make her feel somewhat special and happy on the inside Alice knew it wasn't right for him to be saying such things when his wife had been left alone all night because Edward was stubborn. Even if she didn't particularly like Anastacia she had to respect her, because she was a woman and because she was Edward's wife. 

"You should go, Edward."

"Something is clearly wrong, Lily, and keeping it to yourself isn't going to help."

"What's happening in my personal life is none of your business, Edward. I don't need to tell you anything."

That statement shut Edward up even if it did leave Alice with a sour taste in her mouth. But he got up, shook off the wrinkles from his clothes and looked down at where Alice was now sitting. There was a war happening inside him, his heart telling him to stay and his mind, although also wanting to stay, telling him it would be better to leave and when she's ready they'll talk about it, and so he does, putting one in front of the other, while feeling like his heart was tearing inside his chest. 

It is only after a few hours, after Alice has changed and had breakfast, that she decides she is ready to face Edward's family. She walks around the Hall for a few minutes, almost like a lost puppy looking for it owner inside that big house, before she spots through one of the sitting room windows the Duke walking around the beautifully manicured gardens with another man. It takes only a few seconds for Alice to decide what to before she is walking out of the Hall and to the Duke's direction. After a few seconds of walking he notices her presence getting nearer and waves for her to come closer, which she does and another few seconds later she is close enough to hear the Duke greet her good morning. 

"Did you sleep well, dear Alice?" 

"Well enough I suppose. How about you, Hugh?" 

"Like a baby goat." He let out a laud laugh, which only made Alice smile even more, before offering his arm so they could walk side by side. "Want to tell me why my butler saw Edward leaving your room this morning?" 

"Oh Hugh, I- We didn't..."

The Duke smiles the same way a father smiles towards its child when its needing attention and care, before patting Alice's hand as they continue their walk towards the temple that was built after the small bridge and pond. 

"There are many things happening right now, Hugh, and I wasn't feeling well yesterday. Edward was just taking care of me when I couldn't take care of myself." 

"I'm aware. Would you like to tell me why you weren't feeling well? Perhaps I can help somehow."

Alice smiles and nods as they start walking over the bridge and towards the temple. Alice knew that the temple had been built in the early 18th century by commission by the then Marquess of Dorset, before the family were even created Dukes. Hugh had told her it was built by the Marquess when the love of his life accepted his third marriage proposal, but it was only finished after her passing due to complications in childbirth. The Marquess had been left heartbroken but the temple became once again the symbol of youthful love when the Marquess' son asked his future Duchess to marry him there. And somehow remembering those two love stories, and how they still had an affect on the family to this day, made Alice comfortable enough to open her mouth and heart to the Duke. 

It was already past two when, mid sobs, Alice finally finished telling the Duke of Suffolk everything that was worrying her. And, with a comforting smile, he took her hand and squeezed it, trying to help the princess calm down. 

"You will be a wonderful mother, Alice. There's no shadow of a doubt in that. And it wasn't your fault, any of it." Alice pressed her lips together and looked at the floor of the temple, almost unable to bear looking into the Duke's eyes. "You were young, and your family did what they thought was best for you at the time. I can assure you that any father would have done what the Prince of Wales did in his situation.

"I know how hard it is to lose someone, I've lost the love of my life and one of our babies. I would have done anything to have just one more minute with them, to tell them how much they mean to me."

He took a deep breath, also feeling tears threaten to roll down his cheeks, but he knew he had to keep going, he had to be strong for Alice.

"But we need to move forward, we need to continue with our lives even if we don't want to, even if we feel we can't. We can't let life pass us by, if we do we'll miss all those other wonderful moments with the people we love." 

Alice nods, looking back up as her eyes fall on the tall figure who was now crossing the bridge. 

"I love him, and I'll always love him." 

Hugh wasn't sure what he should say, although he knew who she was talking about, so he simply nodded, and looks at where Alice was looking. His son would want to know what had happened for Alice to be crying like she was, and Hugh wasn't sure what Alice would want Edward to know right now. 

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to love someone else or even get married." She took a deep breath, controlling the incoming tears as Hugh squeezed her hand once again. "I will always respect his wishes, I just don't know if I can bear seeing his happiness with someone else."

"He loves you too, Alice."

"Don't say that, Hugh, I know you mean well, but don't. I'll stay for my birthday and then I'll leave. Maybe go to Scotland or Norfolk, or even France, but somewhere far away from London." 

"I'll be here if you need anything, dear." 

"Thank you, Hugh, truly. You're the best almost father-in-law ever." 

Alice hugged the Duke tight before cleaning away the stubborn tears and walking out of the temple. She passed Edward, who tried to stop her running away, but stopped himself when she pulled her arms closer to her body. 

If she wanted to have the littlest bit of happiness, or at least peace of mind, in her life not seeing Edward was a sacrifice she would have to make, even if it pained her right now.