Alice
al-is. Origin:German. Meaning: noble, exalted.
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Alice was the perfect child, the embodiment of a perfect princess; beloved by both her mother and father from the moment they found out she was a girl; the glue that keeps her family togethe...
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As the hours passed the wind started to get colder and Alice found herself becoming smaller inside her own coat, trying to protect herself from the gusts of wind that came their way, making her shake and her hands feel numb.
She had never imagined she would have told Edward the whole story, not when it still hurt soo much just to think about it. But she did, and she honestly felt a lot more relaxed now than she did before, like a weight had been lifted from her chest.
After speaking for such a long time Alice was now waiting for a reaction from Edward, who was silent, watching the moon over the trees, his eyes away from anywhere near where she was standing. She could see he was still processing everything, it didn't make it any less nerve-wracking as she desperately awaited for his reaction, and even more his approval, his words that everything was okay.
"What happened to Alfred?"
"They moved to Australia, as planned. I wanted to keep in contact with him regularly but my father decided that it was better not, for his own well-being and mental health. I checked in every few months, and we sent a check at the beginning of every school term, so he would have everything he needed. I would visit him as a family friend.
"He grew up to be a beautiful and strong little boy. He loved football, and he was in his school's quire. He loved going to the park with his younger adopted brother. He was a happy little boy."
"When did it happen?"
Alice felt her eyes drift to a dark spot near the entrance of the House, her chest tightening and her eyes filling with tears.
"August, they had been returning from a vacation, ahead of the start of the school year. A car ran into them, he fought bravely for a few hours, but..."
"Alice, I'm so sorry."
Alice smiled up at the Marquess and nodded, knowing by now he would say that. Even though it had been a few months, and Alice had never been fully present in Alfred's life, it still hurt too much, he was the son she had given birth to after all, he was her brave little boy.
"I was there for the funeral a few days later, and the mother just said how sorry she was. But then again so was I, after all she was the one who had been with him through all his life, she was the one who had just lost a son and a husband." Alice cleaned away a few tears and looked up at Edward.
"You were still hurting."
"Yes, but not as much as she was. And I've been hurting for many years, maybe too long."
"What do you mean?"
The Princess lets out a deep breath and looks at her feet, trying to find courage to say everything she still had to say.
"My life has been terrible since I gave my son away, Edward. I haven't had a single night where I was at peace with my decision, or a single day where I didn't wish I went back on my word and kept him. He was my son. Now that he isn't here... Maybe I'll finally have the courage to be a better person, focus on the things I want to do, and not so much on relationships."
"But we dated during that time... Does that mean...?" Edward could feel like his heart was breaking as he waited for Alice to finish her sentence, to finish her thought process, even if he already knew what she truly meant.
"I don't know, Edward, I honestly don't. What I do know is that I need time. I need time to finally find myself as a woman, as Alice, after so many years of punishing myself for being a terrible mother and person. And being in a relationship with someone who desperately wants to get married and have children just isn't the right way to go about it."
Edward nods and closes his coat, looking around before finding the courage to fight back his own tears and look into Alice's eyes, trying to hide how much this all hurt him.
"You'll always have me, and my support. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."
Alice nods, but says nothing. There wasn't much she could say about it when her own heart, that was already too fragile, was on the brink of breaking itself once again.
"You'll find someone who's willing to love you right now, without the trauma and strings attached that would come with being with me, Edward. And I will be your greatest cheerleader."
Edward nodded but felt his heart pounding as he thought that no matter how much trauma and strings attached he would have to deal with, he would chose Alice every day for who she is, for Alice, even if they weren't together as a couple.
Maybe they weren't supposed to be together after all, maybe they worked together as friends and companions better than as a couple, maybe this was all a thing of the moment and that in a few years Alice would be better, and they could try again. But deep down, for his own sake and Alice's, Edward knew he couldn't wait around forever, he couldn't be tied down to the endless hope that maybe one day Alice would come back to him. He would always love her, that was something he couldn't change, but they both needed to move on, find other people to love, even if it was just for the moment.
