Alice Windsor | BRF Story

19.

Clare Hall, Dorset

September 2012

It was the afternoon of her birthday. She was officially 26 and the sun would soon be setting, which meant that her birth date was soon coming to a close and the next day she would be leaving early and out of the Harcourt-Grey's lives for the near future. Alice was sure Anastacia would be more than happy to wake up tomorrow and see her gone, since she made her opinion of Alice quite clear that morning, after giving a small speech about how much of an inconvenience it was to host people who held higher hanks than her, or people who had a previous history with one of the family's members. Alice was able to ignore most of the comments, letting them sink into her skin while she held a painful smile and thanked everyone for their happy birthdays and Hugh for his generous gift. 

Alice was now seated on the steps of the temple, a building, she had to admit, was the most peaceful place Alice had ever had the pleasure to visit in her lifetime. She was overlooking the medieval hall while also contemplating what she was going to do tomorrow. She could go to Scotland with her grandparents since they would be there a while longer, but she didn't want to deal with anyone's pity looks for now. She also didn't want to stay in London and she didn't want to go to Norfolk since there was no one there and William and Katie were in Singapore; Highgrove was also out of the question, and Alice wasn't sure when she would be able to set foot in the house again. She thought about France, but it would be too short of a time for her to actually find somewhere her security team would be okay with. 

It was during one of the many trains of thought crossing her mind that she saw the tall figure coming towards her. She wanted to get up and run away, but she was tired and it was her birthday, and her feet somehow seemed too heavy and stuck in the steps of the temple. So she simply closed her eyes and waited, paying attention to every sound around her before the steps got too close for comfort and she opened her eyes again, finally facing the Marquess of Dorset. 

"May I?" 

Lily nodded and kept looking forward as Edward sat down, their knees almost touching, Alice could even feel the heat from his body close to her, and that left her stomach fluttering once again, like it happened almost every time her ex boyfriend was close to her.

They stayed silent, listening to the birds and the wind shaking the late summer trees, but Alice knew that Edward had something to tell her, she just wished they could stay like that, silent and enjoying the late afternoon, for a while longer before anything was said. And he seemed to understand that, waiting a few minutes before moving his eyes back to Alice and finally opening his mouth. 

"My father only told me you need space, Lily. He didn't tell me anything else, I promise."

"I know. I trust Hugh." 

Edward opened his mouth and from there left a small, almost like a whisper, gasp. Lily didn't say she trusted him, or even them for that matter, she said she trusted the Duke, and that somehow put the Marquess back into his place. He wasn't anything to Alice apart from an ex boyfriend and her older brother's friend, and that was something that, even after four years since their split, and his own marriage, Edward was still trying to come around from the life he had imagined with Alice. 

"We don't need to talk right now, I can leave if you want. We can talk tomorrow or the day after, we still have time." 

He was trying to be accommodating, Alice was aware of that, but even that sweet gesture was a little too overbearing at the moment. She didn't need someone to look after her, and especially not Edward, the person she wanted to be as far away from as possible at that moment. She decided right then and there that there was only one way of telling him she would not be staying and that they didn't not have time to talk later. She had to be straightforward for her own sake, even if it hurt the both of them a little bit in the process. 

"I'm leaving tomorrow, Edward. I promised Hugh I would stay for my birthday but that I would be leaving the morning after. I'm not staying Edward, I'm sorry."

Alice gets up, facing the pond a second longer before finally looking Edward in the eyes.

"Why? Isn't this where you wanted to be? I get it that my father invited you, but you accepted, you chose to come." 

He seemed almost out of breath and was tripping over his words, like he wanted to say so much but didn't know where to start.

"Yes, I did chose to stay here, but I didn't know it would be like this." 

"Like what, Alice? Everything seems fine."

"For you maybe, but for my everything is far from fine, Edward." It was Alice's turn to trip over her words once or twice, so she took a deep breath before continuing with whatever she needed to say to the marquess. "I came here to heal, but coming here only opened old wounds I thought had been closed long ago." 

"What-What do you mean?" The words left his mouth with a whisper, but Alice was able to hear loud and clear. He didn't know what she was talking about, she thought, and if he did he was a very good actor, too good maybe. 

"You heard me, Edward, I don't want to repeat myself." 

"Alice I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't. I just... God, my mind is running too fast right now." 

He looked down at his feet and the grass around it. He knew what she meant, deep down he knew because he had been dealing with that gaping wound for too long as well. The wound of their tragic love story was still there, as fresh as the day they called it quits on their relationship. 

That was the closest Alice had ever gotten to admitting her feelings to Edward, and he knew that it wouldn't happen again, especially because she seemed to be distancing herself from him as the days went by. So he took a chance, he did the unthinkable for a married man, and he did it because he was hurting now, he could feel physical pain and if he didn't tell her now God only knows what would happen with him then. 

"I still have an open wound too, Lily."