Speechless

Let me go

I'm sitting at the cafeteria table again, its seven-am in the morning and the sun has barely shown. The cold breeze blows onto my pale hands, there they sat. Over a course of a few months I had fallen in love again, this time with someone new. They showered me with gifts and sweet words, how could I resist? Someone as vulnerable as me couldn't help it. But now they've become a nuisance, surprisingly I can say -

"They can't let me go."

***

Me and my partner had been together well over a month now, but things have changed. At first they were caring..sweet..and overall adoring - but overtime they drifted away.

In a relationship I believe communication and reassurance is its foundation, being able to express your feelings to your partner is great to strengthen your relationship. But for them it was different.

Looking back now there were faults in our relationship, wether big or small. They never could tell me how they really felt, I was useless when it came to comforting them. I was lost in their ocean of emotions, helpless and tired. But all of this would never make me expect, what has been in store for me.

They had talked about breaking up with me with my friends, but had never had the courage to do it. With that I talked to them, but still they couldn't do it. I waited for countless of weeks to the point I wondered,

"Are we even together at this point?"

At lunch I would talk to my friends about it, the question which killed me slowly on the inside. They'd say that "You guys didn't technically break up", but we all knew what would come next.

I slept on the question, just to wake up in a cold sweat. I would cry myself to sleep just so the stress would go away temporarily, love was something I would kill to have, but struggle to lose. I reminded myself that there had to be one strong person in the relationship, even though it hurt me..I pushed and fixed the broken pieces they had left behind. And yet none of my efforts mattered, why you may ask? They never gave anything back.

Nothing.

"Why is it always me?" I asked, wondering what my faults were. What have I not done to give them what they needed? What more should I give? I'm tired of taking care of them, they never took care of me. My soulless body would plaster a fake smile around them and those who were with me.."I'm fine" I said, but truthfully I was ready to let go.

***

The night I broke up with them, was when the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I laid in bed with the thoughts of a fresh start, but this fresh start would be a what I'd call: "The Great Fall".

Gone our separate ways I thought that this was the best, the best for the both of us. But behind all of this, were our struggles of moving on. Or maybe. Our biggest obstacle, and the last we'd have to go through; together. Although we didn't say our troubles many around us felt the thick air that surrounded us.

My friends had pointed out how they've been trying their best to keep "in touch" with me. I was having troubles of my own and thought it would help if we had put some distance. But they wouldn't leave me alone, no matter how hard I tried..they stuck by my side. You might think this was sweet..or romantic but it was nothing like that. I was getting afraid day by day.

My form of affection would be physical gestures, holding hands or hugging others. They didn't appreciate that I had been doing it to people other than them. I wasn't bothered by their acts of "jealousy" , I was rather happy they felt this way. The tireless nights I had taking care of them..this was the least they could do, maybe there was an ounce of love left in them.