Speechless

Ego

We are born into this world with the essence of love. As babies there's nothing but love in our minds, but as we grow..our egos do too.

We learn to compare ourselves to others and bring them down to better ourselves. We put those we love on a pedestal shaping a deformed image of their character.

This in it of itself shows how fucked up we are as a society. We idolise those who seem to be above everyone else but is that really true?

Our egos allow us to attach onto things that no longer benefit us in fear we "lose" something. But what is there to lose when the situation itself does not change?

Having integrity and knowing that you are worth so much more than what others say is the key to happiness. Why lose yourself for someone who has no remorse for you?

This integrity is tested by how you are in a relationship. Do you lose yourself over a person? Are you attached to this person to the point you have no individuality in the relationship?

After a breakup I feel as if I've lost a piece of myself, all the love and energy I had; gone and no longer present. But eventually I learned that this "piece" never left. But instead was kept away for my own benefit.

I please others even if it means to put myself through hell and back. This piece which I thought I had lost made me realise it hid itself for a good reason. To show me that those who truly deserve my love and care for, would always come back..and most of all

never hurt me.

Moving on from a relationship (any kind to be exact) can be tough, difficult and a tiring process. But sometimes you just have to face the truth and look in the mirror. The person who you've let go was merely a lesson and a stepping stone to who you are today.

I do not see what has happened in the past as a thought of hate, but a thought of how much I've grown in so little time. How the "me" now handles situations like these compared to that of who I was before.

There's no lie that over a period of time I did hate my past "acquaintances". But that's because I'm only human. I was not focusing on myself but only what they had to offer.

I compared myself to the partners they had and what qualities I lacked and what qualities I didn't. I felt ugly, heartbroken and worthless. But now I look back and laugh.

I lost myself so much I was convinced I was unworthy of their love and I was far too hideous to be seen with them. I had lost myself.

Never again will I hurt myself and beat that inner child I protected for so long. Never again will I call myself ugly or unworthy of someone's "love".

It stings watching how they are now, but I have to learn that eventually something even better is coming my way. I am more than what people see. I am worth more than what others say.

I will not allow my ego to belittle me so far to the point I feel as if I deserve nothing, because honestly I can achieve anything.

I do not need someone to provide me happiness and reassurance. My own company and the passion I have for the little things is enough.

The silence which I believe rotted my brain has now become apart of me. I must understand that the music box will eventually stop playing, and the silence which comes after is not my enemy. Why fuss over something that clearly already has an ending?

God has put me on this earth to see me grow into my full potential, things like this are only here as obstacles to be faced. God only wishes the best for me and see me at my best.

No one will stop me from doing so.

I end this with thank yous and goodbyes to those whom I've crossed paths with. No reluctance this time and most importantly, no apology to be made. Hate and delusion could be an answer, but personal growth is even better. Grow, heal and learn from your past mistakes. It will strengthen you day by day, no matter how long it takes.