Speechless

A families fued

We all love our families, our own flesh and blood. The people we grew up with and the ones we'd do anything for. That's family right? Not for me. My families fucked up with a hint of envy from each and every one of them.

***

Growing up I never really had close relatives besides my cousin, my dads side are foul and overall the shittiest people I've ever met.

My father was the most successful out of all our family, yet even if you have all the money in the world there are still many downfalls. My relatives excluded us from gatherings, weddings and many other countless things. They saw my family as the ATM machines and merely there just for the fun of it. Fun fact the first and only wedding I've been to is my neighbours, even so I was forced to go.

Back home my father was rather high in social status, he was marked as a VIP member to locals here. With that my relatives took advantage of his title, using it to get out of trouble and so on.

Being young and naive I never understood why my father disliked my mothers side, but as I got older I could see why.

"__ give me money for gas so I can visit you guys!"

"If you want me to stay you better pay up."

"Hey __ I heard your father gave you money, why don't you share some?"

"You're so greedy! Your father is loaded why won't you give me some money?"

Those are only some things I've been told, I was the leech who people took advantage of. The money in my pockets would be empty by the end of the day if my "favourite" cousin was over. I simply couldn't refuse to do anything for her, I just loved her that much.

I have attachment issues and it shows the most when it comes to family. No matter how terribly they treat me, I'm always by their side. They can kick me, push me, hurt me with their words but nothing broke my bond with them.

All I wanted was a family, like how my friends did..I want to attend dinners with my family like how others did..I just wanted someone to look up to just like others did..I JUST WANTED PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATED ME.

Most days I sat next to my sister asking her many questions to why things were the way the were. I was far too young to understand the complexity of our situation. She would brush it off and say "It's something you shouldn't worry about." And for some time I did feel that way, but deep down I knew we were falling apart.

My relatives slowly stopped visiting, my father became more angry and my mother had no words to say.

My fathers side were never on good terms, they all envied my father, envied our lifestyle and so on. My mother wanted to keep my bonds with her side and strong as she could. Wether it hurt her or not it didn't matter, the point was that me and my sister both would have a stable relationship with the only, somewhat family we had.

These "family members" were money hungry. They were like sharks in deep blue water. They needed us only when they were broke or were in deep shit. We paid their hospital bills, their car bills and so much more.

We provided for them and never asked for anything back. Yet that wasn't enough for them to simply ask, "How are you" over the phone. Sometimes all I wanted was to hear my aunties voice over the phone, but that never happened.

I was born privileged, theres no doubt of how thankful I am. My father bought me anything I wanted, brought me to travel overseas and tried his best to keep in contact with me no matter where he was.

Yet why did my family who lived 4 hours away from us not drop a call? A text? Or even visit us? My father would be in the UK or even China and yet he still manages to have a few minutes to spare.

SOME OF MY FAMILY ARE UNEMPLOYED FOR FUCKS SAKE? I SEE YOU POSTING ON YOUR WHATSAPP STATUS, REPLY TO MY SISTER OR MY MOTHER AT LEAST.

..please..

Recently my family lost all contact with my relatives with barely a string holding us together.

A cousin of mine who'd lived with us for a while decided that she didn't want anything do with us anymore. She took all of her tears and poured them out onto the table, saying how my family were terrible people, we kicked her out and these scenarios good enough to be in an American reality TV show. If my family were on TV the Kardashians would have no chance of getting the spotlight, fights would be more gruesome, fuck it the police would be involved too.

Suddenly we were the bad people, for what? Doing nothing. No matter how hard we fought back no one believed us, besides one of my aunties.

We stopped contacting our family for a while, even blocked each other out at some point. I was fed up, angry, confused..but my friends were there for every step of the way.

Despite all of what happened my friends were patiently waiting for me, I broke down every day. I was so angry and only wanted nothing but justice for my name. Wether or not me and my sister were involved my cousin added us into the problem too. She pulled us deep into the pits of hell, burning and scorching our skin with her empty words.

She was the man behind the trigger all along, waiting for the perfect time to shoot.

She shot my mother first, leaving her in silence. None of my aunties wanted to talk to my mother, sometimes at the corner of my eye I would see her quietly crying. Whimpering softly under her breath, holding her phone tightly waiting for someone to acknowledge her.

My sister was the strongest out all of us. She fought and fought with the best of her ability, in the process she became a better person than she ever was. She needed none of my relatives in the success she already had, a top student with countless of awards on her name polishing my families name to its best.

I wasn't doing too well. I wanted to be strong but mentally couldn't, I wanted my family to work out so bad..I had hope that there was an ounce of love somewhere in their hearts.

I was wrong.

Things only gotten worse and all I wanted to do was show how great my life was even without them. It might seem cocky or arrogant but only success kept me going. My goal and plan had been set in motion, all of this negativity will only push myself to do bigger and better things. Achieve awards my cousins could only dream about.

Later that year I was given countless awards from school, I started a business and even joined a musical band by the name, "Last Minute".

I appreciated every second I had in school, good or bad. I had gotten closer with friends and teachers, I thank my music teacher the most. He took care of me better than any of my relatives ever did. He made sure I was safe, happy, and god knows what else. I can never express my gratitude towards him. He taught me that I should never depend my happiness on someone and that the less I care the happier I would be.

He made a pathway for me and my friends to walk on, to make our bonds stronger than ever. Even if they weren't blood related..

They were truly family to me.

They taught me what real family was like, all the genuine smiles and laughter made me forget what pain was. I felt warm and at peace when I was with them, my love towards them is infinite and I would do anything just to repay back all they have done for me.

***

To the 7 that are reading this, thank you. And to my teacher, I wish nothing but the best for you. Thank you for guiding me through the hellhole I was in and taking care of me. Thank you for protecting me, thank you for wiping my tears away. My heart goes out to all of you, all of what you've done for me. You've made me a better person everyday.

Writing this was something I needed to do for a while, I shed a few tears but it was great to be able to let out my problems. And to the reader, thank you for taking some time out of your day to read my stories, I appreciate you; and I'm sure many others do too.