Isabel's Choice

Chapter 49 - Lars

Despite being mildly sick in the mornings and extremely hungry all the time, Isa was happy in a contagious way.

I stepped into her joy mindlessly, cursing every activity that took my attention away from her.

And I cursed a lot because the Shifter's Council endorsed the triple permissions, thus bringing our workload to stupid levels. 

Lucky for me, my Luna was a master organizer and she built my schedule in a way that included unmovable focus time. It was a euphemism for time for us, to nourish our bond.

Which was another euphemism for making love, with or without a scene-setting story, discovering new positions, places, and rhythms we liked. Isa found it hilarious to rate them with my system, despite my complaints that her approach, of giving five stars to everything, was uninformative.

Sometimes we used a part of our focus time to do something else together. In the first month, we went for runs. But when Willow started to prepare for her slumber, and shifting had become too tiresome for Isa, we moved on to other things - a bit of me watching her baking, a bit of her watching me draw plans for our new house, some gardening. Anything that took care of our souls so that, in turn, we could take care of the pack.

My mate also made me practice my craft, both in human and wolf form. Lightning and I spawned snowflakes and tiny raindrops that would have made Ayn cry in embarrassment. The Luna just clapped like a child at our feats, blissfully ignorant to the Witches' quality standards. I think my magic core grew stronger not so much because of the regular training, but rather due to her praise.

But then on a fabulously warm spring day, as we were by the marshes and I was hopelessly trying to raise some fog from the soaked earth, Isa doubled over in pain and groaned.

I smelled the blood before it started dripping along her legs. I clawed furiously at my sacred mark even if I knew it was already too late.

My mother was at our place half an hour after I called her. Much to our despair, she squinted and hissed in frustration at the pup's Life, which had refused to stay in their bean-sized body.

She told Isabel that her womb is healthy, that these things happen, independent of the magic of our bond, and that she should give herself time. Maybe a break from trying for a while. Isa nodded, with that lost, void shimmer in her eyes that foretold absolutely nothing good.

That evening, as I helped her drink the tea Ayn had prepared, my mate stared for a while at the wall on the right side of our bed. If a window were to be there, it would look over the River.

"I am sorry," she said. "I have let you down, Alpha."

I should have been grateful that she's finally speaking, but I was too appalled by the fact that her first words in hours were an apology addressed to my rank.

"You don't have to be sorry. At least not for my benefit, Isa, my mate, my beautiful one, my Queen," I called her by all the names which could remind her that, before being Luna, she was mine. My female, who has the right to grieve her loss.

"I don't care if we ever have pups," I stupidly said, making her howl with despair.

"I want to be a father, but not with the price of your sanity."

If it hadn't been clear from Isa's blank look that she wasn't listening, it certainly became so when she stood up and announced she was going for a walk.

"I am coming with you."

"I want to go alone."

"You can walk with me, wherever you want, or we stay here," I replied using the Alpha tone because Lightning had sensed a death threat directed against our Luna. He didn't care that its origin was in our mate's brain, probably chewing its way through those walls she carefully built.  All his barking wouldn't make it go away.