Continental Life

Thirteen

When Bella woke on Saturday morning, she found a message from Xander.

XP: Call It What It Is by Sleeperstar. Listen to it. Your punishment affects me too. For the sake of us, stop doubting me.

The guilt she'd tried to suppress all night resurfaced and made her mourn not only her careless actions but the loss of her evening with him. His punishment had been far worse than any damned spanking, and he knew it. It was cruel, something she never thought Xander was capable of. Other than Xander himself, her time with him was the most precious thing in the world to her. And here she was again, questioning his honor.

Something Hutchens had drilled into them suddenly popped into her head. Punish without anger. Express without accusing. Listen without invalidating. He also stated that when it came to disagreements, the facts are never perceived as the same between the people having the dispute. What she'd alleged to be cruel, Xander would most likely disagree with. He had never been cruel before nor punished her out of anger, and her assumption of such was defensiveness when she was faced with blame.

Bella had stayed awake until the wee hours of Saturday morning, doing as Xander had instructed her to do. Still, she was no closer to figuring out why she continued to question his intentions. Her best guess was that it was simply human nature and not personally directed at him, though she knew that he would find that response unacceptable.

Before rising from bed, she sent a message to him in hopes of trying to patch things up.

MsDarcy: Your punishments affect me far worse and much deeper. We all falter sometimes.

MsDarcy: Human by Christina Perri. Please listen.

MsDarcy: Please forgive me.

For the sake of her sanity, she hoped he'd let this go because being denied access to him meant emotional death for her.

As she sipped on her orange juice and tried to take her mind off her depressing predicament, she read through chapter seven of the DDTC rule book. Many of the laws contained within it had been adapted into Xander's way of life, though his own standards of acceptable behavior were far more exacting than the DDTC's. With each passing day in the program, it was clear to see where he had mastered his techniques and what had influenced him. It made her wonder who had trained him and how his knowledge was attained. Did the Lords go through the same kind of program? Someone had to have taught them. Who was it?

She'd met his parents and sisters early in their relationship and many times since. She'd always found it surprising that none of them demonstrated any kind of behavior remotely suggestive of how Xander currently lived his life. As indecisive and compliant as they all were, it was clear that Xander was the Alpha male in their bloodline.

Walking to the large drape-covered window, she pushed it open to look out beyond the sun-soaked buildings to see the Pettifor Industries tower looming nearby. It was good to feel the heat of the warm summer day on her face, and she was happy to see the rain clouds had finally dispersed.

She squinted her eyes against the bright rays of light as she searched for his office window on the top floor, but it was too far away. Undoubtedly, he was already at work. Even though it was Saturday, he always dedicated a few hours of the weekend to get ahead for the next week. His dedication to his job and work ethic were just a few of the things she cherished most about him. His devotion to her was even more treasured.

The dull ache of heartbreak swayed through her as she gazed at the top of his office structure. Her reckless actions had hurt him deeply, and he deserved a truthful and heartfelt answer to his question. He had always come through for her. Always. So where was her doubt coming from? She would have to dig deep for that answer.