Journey Of Emotions | MaNan (under Editing)

Trauma | Please Read

So, I thought long and hard about this topic - whether to write this note or not but I think it is necessary.

I am not ridiculating anyone's opinion, neither is it to target any specific person, of course we all have different thought processes and it is okay to not think alike especially when we are reading.

Journey of Emotions was my first book on MaNan and I started writing in 2017/2018. So you can imagine how far I have come. That being said, I am someone who likes to think, to hear and to explore.

When I wrote this book, my world was limited to ITV. Being from an Indian family, Indian daily soaps were all I grew up watching. So I think this explains the dramatic part of the book.

All in all, I didn't put much thought into the book when I first wrote it. But now when I am editing it, I think I am learning about many things as well. Maybe if I had written it today, I would have changed a lot of the plot, but since I kept it original, I only focused more on the bonds and relationships. A lot of MaNan scenes you guys are reading or will read in the book ahead, they might be new, at least most of them will be. The edited version explains them falling for each other a little better, it explains their povs but there is only little I can do. So there are still places which I can neither justify nor change.

For example - Nandini's trauma and denial of her feelings.

Now I am no expert in the trauma department. But I also see people overlooking the fact. The trauma I have written or trauma in general is not just for the sake of it. It is not just a background story of a character.

It is not - She was a broken angel, he healed her. I mean yes it is, but the healing part - it contains messy stuff. It includes him trying so hard to the point where he gets hurt too but he still doesn't give up. It includes her denial of her feelings, trying her best but still not succeeding.

In no way Nandini's trauma is a pass for her to hurt Manik, but it is certainly the reason behind her behaviour. It is not a justification but the 'why is she that way'

Let's talk about trauma in detail now. Please note, I am not a professional and my only motive is to explain why I wrote what I did. I searched up some things for the sole purpose of explaining. Feel free to point out any mistakes I made and I apologise if it hurt anyone's sentiments.

- Why does Nandini not move on from her past, it is high time already?

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” ― Laurell K. Hamilton

Just because Nandini's physical wounds are all healed or no longer visible, it does not mean it is over. Her pain, the hurt she felt it is still there. She is still going through a trauma of what she went through.

- Why can't Nandini not accept Manik's love and be happy?

“Feeling out of control, survivors of trauma often begin to fear that they are damaged to the core and beyond redemption.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk

“However, traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become experts at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.” ― Bessel A. van der Kolk

Nandini's trauma had changed her and in her mind, the version of hers that loved Manik is dead. She doesn't believe she deserves him with the way she is now. It is not her place to love him any longer. She has bad scars from the past, she has unresolved hate, and anger in her heart. She doesn't want to ruin his life by being with him. She refuses to believe she can make him happy when she herself is not happy. It is the same as saying how can she love him when she doesn't even love herself?