Everblue

Chapter 36 - Ash

ASH

 

I leaned against the door as tears poured down my cheeks. I could hear Fin calling my name, but I didn't care. I wasn't ever going to speak to him or Tatchi again. Part of me wanted to crumble to the floor and cry my eyes out, but I knew I'd never be able to get up without help.

Instead, I limped to Gran's room and curled into the fetal position. Hopefully, the two pills I took would numb the emotional pain whirling in my heart. My best friend never had any intention of going away to college with me. How could I not see she was never going to break free from her family? I rubbed my chest. It felt like they'd stabbed me with two knives and twisted in opposite directions.

I closed my eyes and drifted off to the sound of squirrels running across the roof. Minutes later, a rustle in my room woke me up. I rolled over and groaned, twisting myself in the sheets again.

"Sorry, dear," Gran said softly, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"No," I said, shifting to a sitting position. I glanced over at the clock, amazed to find I'd slept three hours. "I should probably get up."

She walked toward me with a grimace and pushed my hair from my puffy eyes. "How are you feeling?"

I exhaled as the fog cleared and my sweet dreams dissipated. Remembering Fin's visit reopened the wound in my chest. I needed to talk about something good, or I'd start crying again. "Gran, do you believe in angels?"

She smiled. Her entire face lit up. "Why of course I do. Who else is going to help God perform all those miracles?"

I felt the corners of my lips lift. "Do you think we can see them sometimes?"

"I do. The Bible does say to be hospitable to strangers because you might be entertaining an angel instead."

A small memory about that verse tickled my mind. Sometimes, when we drove as a family, Dad would give a bum all the change from the car ashtray. Mom worried Dad was encouraging their behavior, giving them money to buy booze or drugs. He'd look back at her and remind her about this verse.

I looked away and bit the side of my cheek. "It's not a coincidence the boat magically showed up."

Gran sat down next to me on the bed and watched me with gentle eyes. I took a deep breath and confessed what happened.

"I see," she said after I finished, no judgment in her tone.

"But what I do remember about the person who saved me, in a dreamy sort of way, they might not have been entirely human. Even in the freezing water, he was very warm and glowed a little. I'm pretty sure he flew me out of the water into the air."

Gran studied me for a moment with pensive eyes. "Have I ever told you my angel experience?"

I shook my head.

"Well, when I was newly married to your grandpa, I got very sick. My heart would start beating fast for no reason and the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. It got to the point where it happened all the time. In fact, one time it raced so hard and wouldn't stop, they had to hospitalize me. I remember shivering uncontrollably because the blood wasn't circulating through my body like it should. But there was this one mysterious warm spot right on my arm"—she touched me in the crook of my elbow—"as if something unseen was holding me.

"You see, one of my biggest fears was I'd die and Grandpa Frank would remarry. I couldn't bear it." Gran's eyes glistened as she swallowed hard. "But I finally got to a place where I thought death was near, so I gave his life to God to worry about because if I were gone, he'd need someone to take care of him. Instantly, my heart slowed and it's never raced since. And in the end, I was the one who outlived him, the lucky devil.

"So, yes. I do believe in angels, because mine was there, touching my arm during the worst episode."

I looked down at the bed sheet folded over my lap. "Did your angel ever come back?"

"He's around, somewhere. But more importantly, I feel the presence of God and there are no accidents, sweetie. You have a very special purpose in life and I'm glad your angel, or whoever, was there to save you. I don't know what we'd do without you." Another tear trailed down her cheek.

Dread slugged around in my throat, stopping my words. "I'll never do anything so stupid again," I finally choked out.

"That's a good thing, but you should tell your folks and ask for forgiveness. They love you, Ashlyn, more than you realize." She gave me a reassuring smile.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "I know, Gran. I will."

She reached over and hugged me tightly. When she let go, it was as if all was forgiven and forgotten. "Can I get you anything? Lunch? I made some of that tortilla soup you like."

My tummy rumbled at the thought of food. "Yeah, that sounds good."

She looked at me one more time with forgiving eyes before leaving the room. Once she closed the door, my gaze drifted to the window, to the sunlight dancing on the lake.