Everblue

Chapter 44 - Ash

ASH

 

Though I was safely in my grandmother's room, subconsciously the water seemed to suck me under and hold me there. My family went about their business, coming and going, as they needed. I couldn't participate. Guilt made me watch the lake out the window and wait.

The appointment earlier with the psychologist didn't help either.

"How are you?" the older woman with glasses and white curly hair asked.

"Fine," I said and cracked a fake smile.

"Great. So what brings you here?"

"My mom," I said with a snicker. "You just talked to her. Remember?"

"That I did. So why did she bring you?"

"So you'll fix me—they all think I'm suffering from post traumatic stress."

"And are you?" She tilted her head and smiled.

I looked away from her probing eyes and stared at the sand garden on her coffee table. The sand reminded me of Fin and how he was trapped in Natatoria because of me. I bit my lip until it bled to keep from crying. "Heck if I know."

"Do you know what post traumatic stress is?"

"I Googled it."

"And what did Google say?"

"That you get all weird after a stressful or life threatening event. But really, it was no big deal."

She shifted in her chair but remained pleasant—shooting a knowing smile. I wondered if the mention of "merpeople" would wipe it off.

"Why don't I tell you what I know about post traumatic stress and you tell me if that's what's going on?"

"Whatever," I said flippantly.

She ignored my rude reply and went on to tell me about how the traumatic events are like a strand of pearls. After the event, your brain doesn't know how to deal with the information so it's like someone has snipped the string, the thoughts bouncing in your mind. All your brain knows to do is replay the events over and over to try and put the strand back together again. Eventually, over time, you complete the necklace and put away the memories. Sometimes though, your brain gets stuck and the pearls keep bouncing.

"Nope. Not me. I guess I'm normal then."

She nodded and hummed. I wanted to rip the pencil from her hand and chuck it out the window.

 "Have you been to the water since the accident?"

"Of course I have." The night Fin and Tatchi were abducted. I felt my lip quiver.

"And how'd that go?"

Pearls were an understatement. Super balls from the incident bounced around instead, smacking my temples as if it was a bull's eye. If I was having PTSD, it wasn't because I almost drowned in the lake, but rather that my friends were taken and I let it happen. "It was water. That wet cold stuff that will take your life if you try to swim in it right now."

"I see. Fear of the water seems to make you angry." She wrote something on a small white notepad.

She ripped off the paper and handed it to me. I assumed after seeing I wasn't going to cooperate, it was a prescription for some meds to dope me up, so I'd comply with my mother's wishes. An address and phone number was all she'd scrawled across the top.

"This is the number of a support group for teens going through stressful situations. I highly suggest you go and just listen to the stories."

I shoved the slip of paper into my pocket and creased my forehead. A hundred dollars an hour got me an address and phone number? Mom was going to love that one.

"Am I free to go?"

"Not quite I'm afraid. We still have forty-five more minutes."

I sighed and stared at the sand again.

She pried for the rest of the time, but I gave her nothing.

Earlier today, when spying on Fin and Tatchi's house, I noticed it appeared vacant. The traffic going in and out abruptly stopped after the abduction at the beach. Too late to demand answers. Though I doubted Fin's alluring cousin, who ended up being one of the bad guys, would have told me anything anyway.

My heart hammered knowing the enemy had been so close and I'd almost put myself at risk by going over and trying to talk to him again. Were all merpeople weird and hypnotic like that?

So I just watched the water and waited from a distance.

They had to return soon. They had to.