I wrote two emails and scribbled
on my arm, looking around
wondering what
in the hell I was supposed to
be doing
The room was filled with people
I knew and people I didn't,
and the chatter grew to antagonize my mood
because I couldn't focus, not
one bit
In front of my computer
I thought back to yesterday
when my head was hovering over
a pot of boiling pasta water,
for dinner
I broke down
and cried into the bowl,
hands clutching the edges of
the stove so I didn't faint
or drop dead
My lips slurped salty tears
that night at a quarter
before ten until it was
time to sleep once more in
my lonely bed
They used to fold
their socks like swans
in a corner by the
door, and it was
cute
Now I do
the same for myself
in a different shape,
along a different wall,
and it feels very
strange
When someone close to you
is no longer there, it
makes you want to kill
yourself, but I think
that's selfish
I think it's selfish
to relieve all that weight
only for the same kind of pain
to travel to another person
close to you
The process
will continue no
matter how you look at
it and I recognize
that
I will drink the
entire sea if that's what
it takes to understand how
much it hurts
How much it hurts to love someone
