Ecstasy

09

It's the middle of the night the scorching hot shower is streaming down my back stinging all of the open scars making hiss but not enough for me to move.

I have always loved hot showers even when I only had a few minutes to wash. All the pain and suffering I endured that day ran down my back like a river, but unlike the river, it comes back.

Ever since that day, I don't think I've ever smiled genuinely unless it was with Granny but even then I had to fake it sometimes. That day I let go of those dreams of finding my forever home that was never going to last.
That day all my hope had depleted out of me. The very day my joyous bubbly soul had been replaced with dread and agony. That day I lost something I could never get back.

But I owed it to her to let her see me happy. I wasn't really open to the idea of letting her see my real emotions but she saved me.

From then on I would have something to look forward to, even if I was further away.

To my luck nobody really cared enough to move me to another state or country I would just take money from my foster parent's wallets and take a taxi. They would never know.

I miss her.

I don't have a phone and even if I did I don't have her number I would have to fly back to her.

I remember the first time I met her, I was 11 years old starving and alone in the middle of the night wandering the streets with my bookbag I packed leaving the house I thought was my home but my home was never home.

I came across a Diner with only a few people in it but it made sense since it was 1 am.

My legs were aching and my head was hurting. I saw an empty booth in the corner that was pretty isolated from everyone else.

I walked in with my head down as I beeline to the corner putting my head down instantly when I reached the table feeling my head and body aching everywhere. I feel like I could throw up.

"Hey sweetheart, you okay?" A lady with a strong Southern accent asks me. She has very long wavy blonde hair but most of her hair has gone gray as she looks at me with a worried expression. Back then I couldn't figure out why she was looking at me like that but I soon realized she was worried at the time I only assumed the worse so I flinched back until my back hit the wall my head spinning and my eyes roaming back and forth from her face to everybody around me who wasn't paying attention.

"Wh-what do you want!" I ask her my hands trembling beside me. She going to hurt me I thought my breaths getting heavier feeling like my chest was being pushed down with no way up.

"Hey hey hey, you're okay I was just wondering if you wanted something to eat Doll?" She said her voice as soft as an angel grabbing my hand and soothing it with hers as she took a seat across from me.

My breaths come out steadier the heaviness I felt before was lifted as I try and focus on her deep blue eyes that reminded me of the open ocean.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I'm just really hungry," I said tears forming as I choked on my words and tried to keep in the sob that wanted to desperately come out.

"Oh my- Jessie come here." She calls out to a waitress as she stands up speaking to her so softly I can't comprehend what she's saying but I don't really think I tried to as the tears were falling making me brush them away.

"Come here doll." She said with tears forming but she never dared to let them fall.

I got up from the booth and took the hand she was holding out for me. Her soft hands found mine as we walked to the back of the bakery. Of course, I was hesitant but then I saw a cute little pastel purple couch with an old television and a nice small round turquoise table with two pink chairs.

"You like it?" she asked with a chuckle as gawked at all the pretty pastels and all the unusual combinations of bright colors.

"I'll take that as a yes," she says smiling before walking towards the table lifting me up as she places me in the high chair taking a seat across me.

"I know things are troubling you darling but I won't force it out of ya'. I only know that because you picked my sad booth. People only sit over there when something is troubling them or they want to be left alone I usually just put a cup of hot cocoa beside them to cheer them up but your very special." she says bopping my nose and laughing as I laugh with her.

That's what I loved about her she was so strong and caring even when her husband died she kept it in for the sake of her customers and employees but I was there for her just like she was there for me.

Ever since that day, she would smile as she waited for me by the door with a new recipe or a recipe of muffins that she knew I loved and my forever favorites were banana and blueberry she would never fail to surprise me.

I'm crying but I never acknowledged only accepted it as water when hot water streams down my face.

I laugh though. I laugh and laugh as they slowly turn into sobs knowing that I might never see her again my once favorite person in the whole world might never get to see me graduate my Granny.

The irony really.

I turn off the shower head and wrap myself in the soft towel. I get myself ready by putting on a pair of sweatpants and T-shirt walking to my bed when I hear a knock at the door. I open the door to find Antonio standing there in pajama pants and a black hoodie avoiding my eyes as they stare questionably at him.

"I was just -uh wondering if you wanted me to come lay with you in case you have another nightmare but if not that's fine we can just pretend this never happened-"

"Okay," I say interrupting his rambling. I wasn't thinking when I agreed but I'm not mad about it. That night I felt just as safe as I was the other night and I pray the same thing just before I go to bed but hopefully, this one will actually be heard.

Please don't let this be fake, please let somebody love me. I pray before drifting off to sleep letting all of my worries slip away

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This a short little chapter but I promise to write more next week been busy with school

(I'm gonna kms😃) I love my life!!

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-Niyah