The City Of Death

Chapter Fifteen- Macy

The next few weeks passed by me in a blur. 

After my conversation with Atlas, I found myself with too much to think about. The truth was, he made a good point. Several of them, in fact, and I wasn't sure how to deal with that. I looked at all of the Renegades with new eyes and found that everything he said rang true. So many of them would either be dead or on Salvia Street if they had remained inside the City. So many of those bright lights would have been snuffed out forever. Their lives would have ended when they had just barely begun. 

So many of the Renegades were only alive and healthy because they had ventured into the Outside. Aubriana, whose life I had personally saved, has a life with meaning and purpose and a community that accepts and accommodates her disability. Gemma is much the same; she's a valuable member of camp despite her poor vision. Jax and Lee are alive and together. Matt has the opportunity to live, to heal, and to find love. Annalise and Israel found each other and brought a beautiful little girl into the world. 

All because they became Renegades. 

So where does that leave me? In the month I've been out here, I've seen a group of people who love and care for each other. Versailles is such a beautiful place with beautiful people. It's a community of people who are alive and free. In the Outside, there are no Citizens or Invalids. There are only Renegades, and their pasts and their wounds make no difference. They can be who they want to be, and they're able to change who they want to be every day. 

If I complete my mission, all of this will end. I'll single-handedly destroy this place and these people. I'll burn everything to the ground until there's nothing but ashes and the memory of what once was. How can I do that? How can I complete my mission when doing so will ruin every single Renegade's life? When doing so will condemn them to the death they had managed to escape?

When I first arrived at Versailles, I thought their kindness and inclusion, their sense of community, all of it, was just a game. A mask, a charade. I thought Atlas was a cruel man who led with fear. I thought they would wait until I was sucked in and then reveal their true colors. And, I suppose, it might still be a game. But if it is, it's one hell of one. Though, I've been here nearly a month. If it is all a charade, wouldn't they have shed the mask already? 

All I know for sure is that someone is lying to me. Whether it's the Renegades or the Cardinals, I don't know anymore. I'm not sure who's telling the truth, and I hate that. Every plan that I had when I came to the Outside has gone up in smoke, and until I know the truth, I can't even begin to form a new one. For now, the only plan is to live this new life in the Outside and try to find out who's been deceiving me. 

And the truth is, life in the Outside isn't as bad as the Cardinals have made it out to be. To my surprise, I've found enjoyment in it. After Matt's episode and my conversation with Atlas, things have settled into a routine. Every day, I wake before sunrise and pick a job to do. The first two weeks I asked to shadow another Renegade, but I've found the confidence to pick out and perform a job myself. And once I've picked out a job, I make my way to that spot by the trees and I stretch with Atlas. 

He mentioned before that he'd never invited anyone to stretch with him. That was his morning routine, and no one else's. So why he's been letting me join him, I'm not sure. Part of me doesn't even care to know. I enjoy it, and he seems to enjoy having me there, so who cares about his reasoning? And he was right. It is a great way to loosen up and work through all of the racing thoughts that have been plaguing me recently. 

At first, I could barely make it through the basic stretches, and once he got to the more advanced poses, I collapsed into the grass and simply watched. Every morning he assured me that they would get easier, and at first, I thought he was full of shit. It wasn't until very recently that he proved me wrong. The stretches did get easier, and I found myself a little less sore after each session.