Game Over

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"You lied," sabi ko nang makita ko si Atty. Serrano na naglalakad palapit sa akin. Nasa rooftop ako. I had been hiding here. I just needed to breathe for a while. Parang lahat ng tao, may kailangan sa akin. Hindi ako makapagpahinga. I had a lot of events that I apparently needed to attend—to meet people that I'd never even heard of before.

"About?"

"The feeling," I said as I blew off a smoke. "I don't feel like I'm on the top of the world."

If anything, I was exhausted. It had been a week since I had topped the BAR exam. I was given a week off of work to celebrate daw. Parang hindi naman ganon iyong nangyari. I had to go home and celebrate with my family. Nagpa-party sila. I didn't know how they managed to throw a party that quickly. Tapos may thanksgiving din 'yung sorority ko. Then testimonial dinner with Brent.

"Nakaka-pagod."

He got a cigarette from his pocket. Nilagay niya 'yon sa pagitan ng mga ngipin niya. Tinakpan nung kamay niya iyon mula sa hangin habang sinisindihan.

"I feel like I'm being pulled from all direction. Parang lahat sila gusto akong makausap. Agad-agad. Hindi ako makapagpahinga."

I felt ungrateful... but at the same time, I kept on thinking on how I should've taken a break when I had the chance. Baka kasi iyon ang kailangan ko. O baka doon lang ako nasanay. Kasi nung nag-aaral pa ako, I made sure na may bakasyon ako kapag naka-break from school. Hindi ko kasi talaga kaya iyong walang pahinga.

Pakiramdam ko, malapit na malapit na ako sa breaking point ko.

But what could I do? I signed a contract. Ni hindi ko pa nga tapos iyong one year contract ko dito.

"You'll be fine," was all that he said.

I just nodded. Maybe he's right—after all, he's been in this exact position. I should listen to him.

"Thank you po," sabi ko after akong kausapin nung senior partners ng firm. I was already expecting this, but still, nakaka-bigla pa rin. I was already so used to being... just there. Hindi ako sanay na nasa akin ang mata ng lahat ng tao.

"We're looking forward to continue working with you, Atty. Hernaez."

Agad akong lumabas at saka dumiretso sa opisina ko. Ni hindi pa ako nakaka-sagot sa offer nila, pero binigyan na agad nila ako ng private office ko. I was also told to inform them had I make a decision kung anong track ang gusto kong pagtuunan ng pansin.

Ang sakit ng ulo ko.

Did I really have to make all these decision right now?

* * *

For the next few weeks, wala silang nakuhang sagot sa akin. Hindi ko rin naman kasi talaga alam kung ano pa rin ang gusto kong gawin. I was good with doing the paper works... but for some reason, that felt... like nothing.

But it wasn't as if I was wearing rose-colored glasses. Alam ko naman simula't-sapul na boring talaga maging abogado. It's basically all about doing paper works with some court appearance. Ewan ko ba. I was starting to feel bored. Na parang... ito na 'yon?

Pero hindi ko magawang magreklamo.

I never voiced out my discontentment because I didn't want to sound ungrateful. I knew that I was given opportunities na hindi naman lahat ng tao ay makaka-kuha.

I was given substantial money by my school and by my sorority for topping the BAR exam. Tapos kapag pumirma na ako ng panibagong contract sa firm, I would be given a car, condo, and signing bonus. I knew I was lucky. Ewan ko ba. Pagod lang siguro talaga ako dahil sa dami ng ginagawa ko.