It Starts with Coffee

Nine

"Go find yourself first... so you can also find me"
-Rumi

~~

The next morning I wake to my phone ringing. Groaning I lift my hand and find my phone where I left it last night on the table to charge. Yawning I look at the caller ID and see my big sister's name.

My yawn gets stuck in my throat. Since moving here three months ago my contact with my family has been super limited. Jack said we need to break away from our family and be adults. Learn to survive on our own. As much as it broke my heart, I did what he said. I went from talking to my family every day to probably about three or four times in three months.

"Hello?" I say as I answer the phone.

"So you're alive!" I hear Dawn, my twenty-four-year-old sister say.

"Yeah?" I question her, "Why wouldn't I be, you weirdo?" I laugh. I know something is up when she doesn't laugh back, "Oh god what?"

"Help me understand Charlotte Rose Wilson!" She starts as she takes in a breath.

Oh shit. Whatever I've done to piss her off I'm in for it. She never uses my full name unless she's super angry.

"Why haven't I, actually why haven't any of us: Mum, Dad, Nana, Gramps, Lola, Jett, Aunt Silva, Uncle Eddie or Abbie heard barely anything from you for the last three months and suddenly I get a frantic call from Jack and hour ago saying you're missing!?" She yells.

"Jack?" I squeak.

"Yes, Jack! Who by the way manages to find time in his busy college life to always contact his parents" she continues yelling.

What!? He still contacts his family but he told me...

"I'm sorry," I say out loud.

"Not good enough!" Dawn snaps, sounding more like the mother she is than my big sister. Hopefully Jack hasn't contacted any of my other family members but I have a feeling he hasn't otherwise I'll be getting more calls, "so where are you and why does Jack think you're missing?" She says sounding a little bit calmer.

"I'm..erm..I.." I stumble unable to think about what to say. I hear her breathing from the other end but I can't form a coherent sentence.

"Lottie? Are you okay?" Dawn says softly sounding like my big sister again who is my entire world and my biggest ally. Hearing her concern and love brings tears to my eyes and I feel so homesick.

"No" I cry as tears roll down my cheeks.

"Where are you? I'm on the next plane!" She says as I hear shuffling and my eight-year-old nephew asking what's wrong in the background.

"No!" I tell her quickly, "Don't come. I'll tell you. You have to promise not to say anything. At least until Monday night. Promise me, Dawn."

"Of course, I promise."

I open my mouth and tell my sister absolutely everything, with tears running down my cheeks and loud sniffs I finally get everything out.

"I'm going to kill him," she says quietly, "Tyson! Book us the next flights to Lottie. We're taking the kids so find a nice hotel and bring the first aid kit. We're gonna need it on my hands after I'm through with Jack!" She hisses.

"Huh?" I hear Tyson, my sister's husband say. There's a shuffling noise then I hear Tyson's worried voice, "You good Lottie Lou? What's going on that got my wife so wired? Not that I don't wanna see you, but I thought of taking three kids on a plane without any mental prep makes me wanna pass out. And why are we bashing up Jack? I'm down especially if he hurt you but I need details so I know how hard to hit and what spots to aim for."

Despite being so upset I laugh, I absolutely adore my sister's husband and they were barely in a relationship before finding out that they were expecting at sixteen with my favourite and only nephew Damian, I liked Tyson ever since he was just her "friend" and was they're biggest supporter when Dawn reveal she was pregnant after a few weeks of seeing him. Eight years later, three kids and a marriage and they're the happiest couple after my parents I've ever known.

"Tell my sister I'll be fine and I'll call her if I need her" I smile, I'm not worried about Tyson telling anyone. I know they are a package deal, whatever Dawn knows Tyson knows. Jack and I used to be like that. The four of us know about each other's sex lives more than we will ever admit. That makes my heart ache over the closeness we all shared at one point. Pushing that aside, I tell Tyson goodbye as he tells me he better calm Dawn down.

Looking at the time on my phone I see it's barely eight am. I'm in the mood for pancakes so I quickly get up and head to the kitchen. As I stir the mixture, I look over at my new bed. It's so comfy and I slept so well but, I think wearing Liam's clothes is the real reason, I love the feel of Liam's clothes against my skin and his scent constantly around me. I just finished plating the pancakes when Liam's door opens, he looks so cute walking into the room with his hair a mess and eyes squinted.

"Morning" he yawns, I hope my mouth replies when his eyes widen, "Are they pancakes? You're amazing Lottie!"

I just laugh as I hand him the plate I made for him as well as the syrup. We walk over to the breakfast bar and sit on the stools.

"What's on the agenda today?" I ask once we finish our pancakes.

"I have a tonne of assignments to finish" he frowns giving me an apologetic look.

"Perfect day for me to read The Nightingale" I smirk.

"You can also look at how you want to decorate your area and the outdoor space" Liam grins widely at me. My smirk drops and I try to hide it but Liam sees, "What's wrong?"

I bite my lip for a moment as I try to figure out how to tell him, "I've made a plan for the rest of the year." His grin returns, "That's great Lottie! I can't wait to hear it!"

"Well.." I start as I continue chewing my lip, "I'm going to drop out of Augustbrook.."

"Great idea! No point continuing a study you don't want to do" he smiles widely at me as he nods his head in agreement.

"Right... anyway. I've decided unfortunately I will have to quit Gianna's. Jack knows that I work there and I don't think he'll ever show up there but I can't live with the anxiety that he will. Because I'm not longer at school, I'll be getting a full-time job and because I have a full-time job... I'll be able to afford my own place."

I watch Liam's smile slowly drop as he stops nodding.

"Oh," he says as he smiles again but I can tell it's forced, "you've got this all figured out. I'm proud of you Lottie! I can help you look for jobs if you like and house hunt."

I just nod and neither of us speaks for a moment. I could see myself staying here. I know Liam doesn't mind. I would love to but it'll be wrong. Mine and Jack's relationship hasn't ended yet, I need to break up with him. Stay single and find myself. Staying here with Liam is too much temptation, he's extremely good-looking. I'm not naive enough to know that I don't have a crush on him, he seems to like me too but it'll be wrong to try and start anything. I need a friend, a real friend that has my back and support more than I need a boyfriend or a relationship. Living together causes awkward situations that result in secret kisses and passionate sex. Not that I'm against either of those things but I'll like to experience them on a day I haven't cried.

"I'd better start studying. Are you okay? I can stay out here if you like" he smiles at me, a real one this time thankfully.

"No, it's okay. I'll just chill out here with my book" I reassure him as I settle myself on the couch. With just a smile, Liam heads into his room and closes the door. I try to ignore the ache in my heart and focus on the words on the paper.