The Office Affair

Chapter 12: Forbidden Memories

Anika's Pov:

I reached home and sank into my chair. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wish Riya would be here with my tonight. I needed her. But I guess I do need some alone time right now. I walked over to my shelf and took out my old dusty journal. I flipped through the yellow pages as all those memories came flooding back. The chapter I thought I had buried long ago in between my pile of books is now back. Why? I dont even know. She said she's here to take me back. Back to where? Why after so long suddenly? Ugh I don't know and it frightens me. But I shouldn't let her see that she can get to me.

I flip to the first page of the journal. "MY FIRST LOVE?" - Written in bold. I finally have the answer to that question. She is not my first LOVE.

25/06/2009

Dear Diary,

I m shattered from within. Its been 5 days since the accident. I miss mamma papa a lot. I know they are gone. But I hope there was some way I could meet them again. It's my fault. I wish I didn't ask them to take me to the concert. I can't even write about it as my vision is blurry due to my tears. I wish I could say I love you to them once more. I wish I could lay on mamma's lap and listen to her read out stories of the fighting princess or go buy icecream with dad everyday while coming back from school. I feel so lonely. I didnt know where to go. I was distraught. Thankfully, someone admitted me in the hospital. My parents couldnt survive the crash because they were in the front seat. I somehow made it out alive even though I suffered a lot of bleeding and injuries. Somehow the staff found my neighbour's phone number in my parent's phones and they helped me.

I made a new friend. Her name is Helena. She is 3 years older than me. I mean she was my neighbour so I knew her but I never really talked to her because Im an introvert and also she is 3 years older so I felt a bit awkward. She is really kind and nice and sweet and amazing.

Also, 5 days ago was my birthday. I turned 11 this year. But....
I hate God, I hate life, I hate my birthday and I hate myself. I dont know what I'm even writing right now but I needed a place to vent in so Helena suggested me writing a journal would help me calm down. I think its working. I will use this diary to write down my complaints with life, or with myself or someone else . But I will also use this to write down exciting or good memories so that maybe in future when I read through this diary, Its not only a tragic collection of memories but also something worth reminiscing about.

My eyes fill up with tears. I wonder whether my parents would be proud of me if they were alive. I know I have made a lot of wrong choices but now Im in a better place. Its already 1 am. I should sleep now because I need to wake up tomorrow and go to work again. I hope I dont meet her again.