Three Years, Five Months and Eleven Days

Chapter Eight

The song on the side is by Regina Spektor, if you don't know her, look her up, she's amazing! This one's my favourite song, called Hotel Song.

Also the first person to comment gets my next dedication :D

So here's the next chapter, I think you'll like it!

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     I was in complete shock for the next twenty minutes. Beth joined us, but I hardly paid attention, the ads started, but I hardly paid attention. I was wrapped up in my thoughts, my brain going over and over unanswerable questions only a girl would ask.

     Had he been truly serious? Did he actually want to kiss me? Or was he just being nice? Did he offer because it wouldn’t have meant anything to him if he had? Did I regret saying no?

     The last one was the most important to me. I hadn’t thought twice about seriously ever kissing Michael in the almost two weeks that I’d been with him, but the second he offered something clicked in my brain. I wanted to know what it would be like. Would it be better or worse than the other guys I’d kissed? Would it mean more to me than it would to him?

     This curiosity made me think that I should have said yes, but the fact that I’d had the will to say no showed that I didn’t want it that badly. If there was anything there it was mild attraction, and was it worth making things awkward for a mild attraction?

     I wasn’t at the age yet where you could just kiss a guy, then it not change the situation between you at all, or at least if I was, I just didn’t think it was right. I didn’t believe you should go out with every guy you kissed, but kissing meant something, you can’t involve yourself with someone else’s body like that without the relationship you had with them changing completely, whether or not you were attracted to someone, kissing was an act of some kind.

     So I was sure that had I kissed him, it would be awkward after if we just pretended like nothing happened. The only other way to go would have been to develop something real between us. Which brought me on to a whole new set of questions.

     Would I go out with him?

     I just didn’t know. I could never make my mind up about anything it seemed, not one hundred percent in my head. I could say something as confidently as ever, but I would never be sure if I had done the right thing later.

     Beth noticed my silence and asked me if I was okay, so I told her I was fine, even though I desperately wanted to share what had happened, but how could I? Michael was right there, sitting on my other side.

     When the adverts finished and the film began I pushed all thoughts of Michael out of my head. I would never get this moment back and I wanted to concentrate on the film.

     It was amazing. I cried three times, the second time I risked a glance at Michael and he was sniffling away too. On the way home I didn’t say much, just let Michael and Beth babble on about how good it had been.

     Once we were in our pyjamas and sitting on Beth’s bed, I finally brought up the subject. ‘Beth I need your advice on something so badly.’

     Her face lit up and she bounced up and down with excitement. ‘Finally, I was beginning to think you’d never ask! What happened?’

     ‘It’s crazy,’ I told her.

     ‘What did he say that could shake you up like this?’ she asked. ‘You haven’t said a word since I joined you guys in the cinema, when you couldn’t shut up ten minutes before.’