Rupture | Bellamy Blake ² [Discontinued]

❉| chapter eleven

❝are these golden hearts always heavy?❞

- b. damani, poet

♛

I STILL HAVE DREAMS of welting flesh, Jasper's voice echoing, "What have you done?" over and over. Dreams of the boiling hot shower and the sounds of a drill whirring in my ears. My own screams reverberating in my ears. The Exodus Ship carrying my mother crashing into a field and exploding upon impact.

I wake screaming, clawing at the blanket covering me until it's off. My breathing is ragged as my chest heaves with heavy gasps. It takes me a second to realize where I am, and why.

Neither Monroe nor Harper wake at the fuss, miraculously. I notice my cheeks are wet with tears and wipe them with my hands. My skin is coated in a light layer of cold sweat that causes my hair to stick to the back of my neck, an incredibly uncomfortable sensation. The darkness surrounding me begins to close in until I feel like I'm being choked. Suddenly, the metal clasp is around my neck again, and I can feel the coldness seeping in-

I need to get out of here.

Normally, this would be the part where Bellamy would wake up and coax me back to sleep. But he isn't here, and the chill of being absent from him causes me to shiver.

He had always caught me before I could sneak out. But Harper and Monroe could never anticipate that I would try, and they don't know about the horrors that plague me every night.

I fumble around in the darkness to put on my boots. Without even grabbing my jacket - I don't want to risk making too much noise - I slip outside and begin my journey through the Ark.

It's like second nature. I feel as if I'm thirteen years old again, creeping past guards and slipping through corridors unheard and undetected. Though it's much easier now than it had been in space, there are still the posts outside that I have to worry about.

I make it through the back doors and let the cool night air enter my lungs. There isn't much time to waste, though, and so I hurry toward the back of the electric fence. I know of a single spot where the currents are broken, just wide enough for me to crawl through without harming myself. I suspect that Wick had done it before he left, its intention to aid us in case we ever needed to escape without the authorities knowing. But I'm the only one who knows about it.

The grass is wet from dew, but my boots are made for this and don't lose their grip on the slick blades. I make a beeline for the fence. All is going well, and a relieved sigh starts to build up, but then everything comes crashing down.

"Stop right there."

A frustrated sigh comes out instead. I stop in my tracks and turn to face Miller, who's heading toward me with one eyebrow raised. He nods to my night clothes. "You sleepwalking?"

"You know I'm not," I say back, feeling dread begin to consume me. He's going to take me back to the Ark. The mere thought of it brings a fresh wave of tears to my eyes. "Please let me go. Please."