Rupture | Bellamy Blake ² [Discontinued]

✭ | chapter four

❝how foolish to believe we are more powerful than the sea or sky.❞

—ruta sepetys, author

♛

THERE IS DARKNESS LOOMING over Bellamy. He tries not to act like it, but he forgets that I can read him as easily as I can flip through my favorite book, so his hidden emotions are more apparent to me than to others.

With no viable solution to fixing the Ark now that the hydro-generator is gone, Clarke has chosen to come clean to the people of Arkadia. Although they were understandably distressed about the news, there wasn't an uprising or riot. I'm glad that the rest of the Sky People finally know— lying to them had left an unfamiliar ache in my chest.

The tension in our small bedroom is thick enough to make it feel like an invisible entity is sitting on my chest. Bellamy sits tensely on the edge of the bed, feet on the floor and still in his boots, elbows leaning against his knees. I'd tried to get him to lie down for ten minutes with no success. He probably thinks I'm sleeping, the thin covers drawn over my chest and eyes firmly closed. But slumber is far from my brain with the buzzing worry inside of me.

I blink my eyes open as to not startle Bellamy and turn over so I'm on my side, facing him. "You made a good call."

He doesn't jump at the sound of my voice like I thought he would. The room is silent other than the constant hum of electricity that seems to surround Alpha Station at all times, but it's practically background noise by now.

"I just wish Raven, Miller, and Caleb thought so," he says with a sigh, wringing his hands together tensely.

Although Caleb hadn't outright expressed his disdain that the hydro-generator had gone up in flames, I did notice the flicker of disappointment in his eyes upon seeing the empty rover. Miller hadn't seemed too pleased either. I know that Bryan had walked away from him in dismay, and, to my knowledge, they still haven't spoken since. The strings keeping us all tethered are becoming strained once more. I hope we don't go back to being divided as we were when Pike was in charge; I would likely go insane.

"Who cares what they think?" I ask, sitting up so the covers slide down to my waist and bunch up at my hips. My hand gently touches his stiff shoulder. "You did what you thought was right and saved a lot of innocent people because of it."

Bellamy swallows thickly, like his next words are hesitant to come out. He repeats the wringing motion of his hands once more. "I just ... I still feel like I need to redeem myself. For the things I've done in my life. And every opportunity I see to do that... it still isn't enough."

For a moment, I don't know what to say. My thumb gently moves back and forth along his shoulder, sliding easily along his cotton t-shirt as I ponder his confession. I know that the feeling will likely never go away; Bellamy is as stubborn as a mule and will carry the weight of the world on his back even if it kills him. He certainly doesn't have to carry everyone else's burdens, but he still does. It's been ingrained in him since he was a little boy and Octavia was born.