for you. yoonseok

broken-hearted

AGE FOURTEEN

"when two hearts blend another breaks."

said a poem in yoongi's diary.

he can't stand jimin anymore.

as the months drag on, hoseok drifts farther and farther away. his late nights spent gaming and sleeping with yoongi were now replaced with constant dates and sleepovers with jimin, leaving yoongi all alone and wondering what he did to push hoseok away.

jimin unknowingly puts yoongi's world in a miserable, dreary filter. he takes away the pleasant sun in yoongi's life and leaves him cold and blind, shivering in the darkness of his bitter agony.

but hoseok is still present, though he wasn't there. only a soulless, simpleminded hoseok with less of a wondrous glisten in his almond eyes. a hoseok that seems to have forgotten some of his old habits and instead has eyes only for jimin.

yoongi is despairing, utterly anguished over the cold emptiness he was shown. why must hoseok treat him so differently? why is jimin so fair in his eyes?

yoongi sees the affection hoseok shows jimin everyday. he notices the way hoseok would always gaze at him longingly, his kind eyes filled to the brim with overflowing love and compassion for the boy.

jimin got all of hoseok. he got his hugs. his kisses. all yoongi got was a stale, old friendship.

oh hoseok, when will you look at me that way? when will you kiss me and hold me like that? will you ever? or will i just spend my entire life wishing you were here, with me?

i don't know if i can do this anymore...

on good days, hoseok treats yoongi wonderfully and with care. still, he does so with a distant look, a buzzing thought lingering in his busied brain. on the worst days, yoongi can't even receive a simple hello.

yoongi tries ignoring hoseok again, avoiding him at all cost. but hoseok doesn't even notice and yoongi feels a thousand times more awful than before. that's when he asks himself the question again.

why is jimin the one hoseok loves?

why is yoongi here, despairing and miserable all alone?

until he looks himself in the eye one day, staring at the crazed mop of black locks, bloodshot eyes, and chapped lips that hung crookedly on his face like a shattered mask. he whispers to himself,

"why do you let him do this to you?"

he goes through days and days of constant despair, barely moving forward. the fact hoseok doesn't even know how much yoongi is destructing inside hurts, because yoongi knows if he said something hoseok would be devastated and his perfect world would be shattered into oblivion.

so yoongi keeps it to himself, he lets hoseok treat him like this. he can't help it. because he...

yoongi has an answer. a simple four-lettered sentence buried deep inside his being. words that has lingered there for years and years, anxiously biting at his stubborn heart. he inhaled and exhaled, quickly and unevenly, his mouth producing frantic breaths. his eyes flutter open and shut.

why do let him do this to you?

"...because you love him," yoongi replies, barely a whisper. his words, though softer than a breeze, stay up in the stale air and float around his mind.

"because... i... love... him..."

then he loses it.

he cries out, collapsing to the bathroom floor. he curls up into a ball, holding his head in his arms as he weeps. for once he is truly vulnerable and unconcealed, raw emotions exposed through his mournful sobs of distress. his crippled heart yearns for hoseok, every fiber of his being wistfully aching for his soulmate and any simple act of acknowledgment.

yoongi curses at himself, wondering why he had to obtain these strong, unexplainable feelings of yearning and attachment. emotions that had been sheltered for so long, hidden in himself and slowly tearing his heart apart.

why now? why when hoseok has feelings for another? yoongi couldn't handle this, the harrowing pain to see jimin and hoseok was already simply too much to bear.

"i can't love him i can't love him," he repeats tearfully over and over again, rocking back and forth. his head shakes frantically, side to side in disbelief. he buries his face in his knees, chin tucked in as his hot tears stream onto the fabric of his clothes.

you're in love with jung hoseok.

muffled cries emerge from yoongi, his body trembling uncontrollably as he struggles to keep himself calm.

all these years. why i constantly wanted his attention. why i was always so damn emotional around him. why i never ever left his side. and why he made me feel so incredible joyous for once.

yoongi's damp eyes finally flutter open, realization twinkling in them.

i'm in love with hoseok.

"fuck!"