for you. yoonseok

now

AGE TWENTY

hoseok owes an explanation. here it is.

he's been sick since they met.

hoseok was born with a strange, uncurable type of illness. the doctors were puzzled by it and weren't exactly sure how long it would be before hoseok's wellbeing would perish further into death. they expected only a few years.

as a small child, hoseok spent so much time in the hospital that he was late to preschool almost every day. he had his own room all to himself, where the doctors would study and take care of him.

jeon jungkook was also in the hospital, befriended hoseok, tried to tell yoongi. but it didn't work. so hoseok's secret was safe and yoongi tried not to think much of it.

as he grew older, more and more antibiotics and medicines. more and more pills he had to take everyday. more and more he and his family's hope for survival began to diminish. it was saddening for them, seeing hoseok secretly struggle while he kept up a good, wonderful life.

hoseok didn't want his sickness to define him, nor did he want to worry his loved ones. especially yoongi. for he knew yoongi would take it the hardest. so he kept it a deeply hidden secret, tried his best to mask it somehow. and it worked. for a long time.

he still felt happy though; he loved his life even though it was unsure if it would last. hoseok had hope though. he felt like if he kept his head up, there would be a miracle: a chance for survival.

until he was sixteen; then he found out.

hoseok went to yoongi crying that cold, rainy day. it was the horrid, painful day hoseok found out that he was going to die.

after he received the news about his failing health, hoseok was in a broken state. he couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he could only cry. cry for the beautiful life he was forced to leave behind. cry for the love being pried away from his weaking hands. it was tragic. he felt as if everything he'd ever done meant nothing and he was only a small, insignificant nothing that lasted only so long. 

it broke him.

never had hoseok felt so pessimistic.

the doctors tried their best to console their long-time patient; one asked hoseok a question.

"hoseok, think. who's the one person you feel like you should spend the rest of your life?"

the overwhelming emotions and thoughts magically clear and hoseok instantly has an answer.

i know.
yoongi. it always leads back to yoonie somehow.

so he did. and it felt good and it felt right. now he was realizing how much he missed yoongi. how much his heart yearned for him.

and that night, after a day of disasterous pain, he finally felt love.

pure, undeniable love for yoongi, every arrow on his heart and soul pointed him here, to his best friend. he knew that it was yoongi he truly loved, and with that he finally decided to spend the remainder of his life with his best friend since childhood.

so, why did jimin leave so aburptly?

hoseok felt that jimin deserved someone better. someone that could endlessly pour their unconditional love into him, without reluctance. of course, deep inside, hoseok knew his heart belonged somewhere else.