Thorns And Roses

Kabanata 14

Kabanata 14

I survived the day, tired and wounded.

I was staring at the moist glass window as we travelled towards the place I didn't know, tahimik lang ako habang nakatulala roon at wala sa sarili.

Soft music was playing, making me calm somehow. The raindrops were falling from the sky, just like how my tears were falling from my eyes.

Pagod na pagod ako sa lahat, my shaking hand calmed down when I forced myself to. I tried to sleep but still ended up crying again silently that I wouldn't want to feel any emotion anymore at all.

The pain I was feeling was too much that I literally felt my heart breaking, my stomach churning, the pain in my head was unbearable and it was killing me.

How funny this thing was?

Knowing that that someone you trusted the most and loved with all your heart who promised to stay with you, will be the first one to leave? Not just leave, but abandon you?

A bitter and sad smile escaped my lips. Mas niyakap ko ang bag ko at tumungo para pahirin ang mga luha ko.

Maybe I was undeserving of that love I craved the most. Maybe it was my destiny, to be alone, to be left behind, to be used and taken for granted.

It wasn't shocking anyway, I was not surprised that people actually leave. I'll be more surprised if they stay.

It felt like everyone gave up on me, sino ba naman ako? I am crazy, I was someone who was not worth having for, maybe I was just trash you can easily dispose of everywhere, anywhere you want.

A puppy you will just abandon anywhere when it's too much to take care.

Sa ilang oras at mahabang biyahe ay tanging mga puno at bundok lang ang nakikita ko but then I noticed how the place changed.

From the trees, it was now a busy highway. Diretso lang ang biyahe at ang mga sasakyan ay mabibilis na ang takbo.

The car will go fast, ang iba pa'y nauunahan pa kami sa bus. I saw billboards, if I am right about that, malalaki ito at iba-iba ang mga mukha ng mga personalidad na nakikita ko.

The lights from the houses and establishments lit the place near the highway.

It somehow amazes me, hindi ko maiwasang matuwa at gumaan ang loob habang nakatingin roon sa paligid.

"Titigil muna tayo sa Bulacan! Tanghali na at kumain muna kayo!" sigaw ng driver at napatingin ako sa kanila roon.

I saw the people around me fix their small bags, nakita ko ring inaayos nila ang mga tulog pang mga anak para gisingin at sabihing kakain na.

Nakaramdam ako ng inggit habang pinagmamasdan sila. Will I ever have a family to take care of me like that? Will someone ever love me even if I'm like this?

Even if I'm broke? Wasted?

Pumarada ang bus namin sa may malapit sa isang tent, nang tumigil iyon ay nagsitayuan ang mga tao at umalis.

I just stared at them, confused about what to do.

Hinawi ko ang mga natuyong luha sa mga mata ko at abot-abot ang kaba habang pinagmamasdan sila.

Gutom na gutom na ako pero hindi ko alam ang dapat kong gawin. How will I eat? Susunod ba ako sa kanila?

"Tara, Miss!" halos mapatalon ako sa gulat nang tawagin ako ng katabi ko.

"H-huh?" I saw the woman smile at me, she was probably years older than me, and she was simple yet pretty.

"Tara, kain tayo..." she smiled at me. Napakurap ako, mukha naman siyang mabait pero natatakot talaga ako para sa sarili ko.