LUNA

18

"Jen are you able to?"

"Jen I asked if you were going to get out of bed and come with me to my parents house? If not that's fine, but I gotta know."

Do I go with him and force my smile. Do we act like a happy couple even though I'm beyond stressed and don't know what to do? No.

It's been a week since he learned my truth and it hasn't gotten any easier. I stay on my side of the bed and I barely speak to him unless he asks me questions that need an answer. For the most part I keep quiet because I have nothing to say. I'm upset and I'm angry. I feel safe with Bash but I don't feel like this is right. I don't deserve him beside me.

"You can go without me." I mumble as I continue to stare at the book in my hand. If I'm being honest none of the words I'm reading are actually being processed. It's just to make it seem like I'm doing something and not actively ignoring my mate.

"Are you sure?"

"I don't think now is a good time for your parents to meet me Bash."

"Because we're having problems?"

Okay I wasn't expecting that.

"Because we haven't touched each other in a week. Sitting next you at dinner after we spoke maybe a total of ten minutes in the past week isn't a good idea Sebastian."

"I haven't spoken to you because I know you won't respond and I haven't touched you because I'm not going to make you uncomfortable after you screamed how you're not worthy of my affection."

"Bullshit you just don't know what to say because you know you shouldn't have said you love me."

"That's what you think this is about?" He turns back to face me and I close the book I once was happy to distract myself with. "You think I'm avoiding you because I'm not sure about my feelings?"

"Yes that's exactly what I think. You got back after a week of not being here to find me a mess and you wanted to put a bandaid on the situation. You wanted to make everything better and make me better so you claimed you love me and that's not true. You don't love me Sebastian so don't act like you didn't know what you were doing. You can't love me after what I told you."

"You're such a stubborn bitch sometimes Jen." He deadpans and I'm taken back. "You haven't spoken to me for days and now you want me to admit that I don't love you? How does that work? If anyone doesn't love someone, it's you. You don't love me and you're trying to make me hate you so that you don't feel guilty."

"Bash." I stop him but I realize it's not going to do anything.

"I love you and you feel bad about it. Don't try and spin this on me."

"I know I'm right Jenifer. I'm right because I love you and there's no way in hell you're gonna be loving any guy right now." He shuts the door of the bathroom behind him and I am left staring at the doorway where he once stood.

I want to love him but he's right. I don't love him right now and I don't know when I will or if I ever will.

The mate bond is sacred and at the end of the day I know he's made for me and that he's the one man I truly will love.

But I can't imagine anyone loving me.

"If I leave you here then next week you have to come with me to the birthday party."

"And if I don't?"

Why? Why Jenifer? Can't you keep your mouth shut?

"You're really testing me and I don't know if it's because your wolf wants attention or if there's really something going on."

"Maybe a bit of both. You do realize that I can be physically drawn to you and feel this way at the same time, right?"

"Do you realize how hard it's been not touching you? I just want to hold you and try to help you, but you won't let me."

"All I want is to feel comfortable with you again, but I can't. I want to be held by you and to feel you at my side but my mind is betraying itself."

"Then let me try and make this work. Let me hold you." He pleads as he walks closer to me.

The hormonal wolf in me wants all of him but the human side of me is terrified.

"Fuck it." I mumble before standing up from the edge of our bed and wrapping my arms around him and placing my face in his chest.

"I just want to help you. Everyone wants to help you. Even Logan."

"It just feels like I've been telling lies to everyone to keep this a secret. Trev doesn't known and I don't want him to know because I know what he'll do. He'll kill the person who did it and that's not something I want. That won't help me anymore than pretending it didn't do it. I can't have him know but I can't be ashamed about it either."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Jenifer. I told you that I didn't wait for you and I feel guilty too but I also know that you're mine and I'm not giving myself to anyone else."

"I know, but that doesn't make this any easier." I whisper back as he rubs circles on my back.

"You don't need to feel shame. I just want you to accept how much I love you." He kisses behind my ear and I nod back as he leaves more kisses on my neck.

"I have the feelings, but I can't fathom loving anyone right now when I don't love myself."

I stand in his arms for what feels like an eternity as he leaves more and more kisses on my jaw and neck.

"Before I leave, are you sure you don't wanna come with me. You don't have to dress up, I just want you there Jen. You don't have to act a certain way or as if you're not affected by recent events. You can sit there and do as you wish."

"I'll meet you downstairs."