highly unfortunate

Entry # 5

I can't believe that actually worked. Who would've thought acting like I was even more of a douchebag had done wonders to keep myself hidden? The more you know. 

But seriously, I nearly shit my pants with how close I was to getting caught. If I was, I could've just, I don't know, apparated away, but one; there are wards against apparition, and neither Potter nor Riddle are stupid. Two; how the hell am I supposed to know how to apparate? I'd rather flash away than splinch myself. Three; killing is not an option. I've chopped down harder skin than them, but the thought of actual murder will not only damper everyone's current opinions on me, it might also worsen whatever the hell's going on with myself.

I know there's something wrong with me. No one else can convince me otherwise. I got curious about seeing souls, because its a new thing to me, so I removed my shades, stashed them in my sylladex and looked. 

Shattered. That's what my soul looked like. It was glowing a faint orange, and a little pink curled up into a small kneaded ball. But it was splintered. Little pieces were floating around a larger piece.

Which. What the hell, I thought, making my vision return to normal.

I know parts of my soul were chipped off, but if that did happen it would have looked like a missing piece or a gaping hole from my own soul. But no. This was legitimately splintered like it had no business staying together.

I'm trying to put it out of my mind. Hell, I'm trying to put today's events out of my mind.

It was like once I saw what I had just seen, everything fell apart. I can't think clearly. Not clearly enough to make a plan. This would be so much easier if Jade or Rose were here. Dave. Jake. Jane. Roxy. John.

I always used them as anchors to reality. Now they were gone. Some wish this was.

I'm waving goodbye to the girls who were unintentional tools for me to hide, silently thanking them a bunch because I probably couldn't have pulled it off as well as I did, hiding from Granger, Longbottom, and who I assumed was Zabini. (The description seemed accurate, at least.)

I'm finally alone in a secluded corner of the street. I'm partly sure this is still Hogsmeade, so I should leave. Maybe. Or...hide out in Hogwarts? It's going to increase the risk of being caught exponentially, and it was reckless (no surprise there) but where else would I go?

...

Well, there's an idea.

A bad one. But an idea. Now, assuming I can find the right materials, I'm going to need a place to hole myself up for a while...

Because if I'm going to be sneaking into Knockturn Alley, I'm going to have to look like a purebred wizard leaning on Dark Magic.

Easy.

Not.

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