Kyber Heart - Poe Dameron

Chapter 22

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains self-harm and attempted suicide. If either or both of these are sensitive topics for you, please skip this chapter. It is not massively detailed, but it is there. Thank you, and please stay safe.

---

The journey back to base was a quiet one on Nova's part.

The chatter of the remaining pilots had started up the second they had entered lightspeed. Sighs of relief and cheers of celebration had filled the comms channel. But Nova could not bring herself to join them.

She ran her hands over her face, grimacing when they bumped her helmet. The bright light of the spinning stars was blinding behind her eyelids. A shaky sigh escaped her lips, and she leaned back in her seat – a certain sensation of numbness creeping across her body.

The conversation going on around her was little more than a mumble to her. As distant and quiet as the hum of her ship's engines.

The beeps and whirs of BB-6 barely reached her ears.

"Sorry, what?" she said, her voice hollow and cold.

The droid repeated themself.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she dismissed. "Just don't feel like talking."

BB-6 responded with uncertainty.

"I said I'm fine!" Nova snapped, slamming her hand against the side of her cockpit. Instantly, she slapped her other hand over her mouth, her breathing staggered and heavy.

She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the transparisteel canopy. The darkness in her eyes made her stomach turn.

Her sudden outburst had been louder than she would have liked, catching the attention of the other pilots.

"You doing okay there, Organa?" Snap asked.

"Uh huh."

Poe was far from convinced. As her Commander, and more importantly as her friend, he felt responsible for her. Had done from the beginning, even if she had and continued to brush of his concerns.

He knew she was capable of getting by on her own – she had done for years. But he also believed that she should not have to.

"Something I need to know about?" he inquired gently. He had never heard her in a state quite like the one she was in – and it did not sound good.

Nova shook her head, forcing herself to believe her cover. "I'm handling it."

She was glad the journey home was a short one.

---

Nova's X-Wing was among the first to hit the landing strip. It was a messier landing than usual; she had barely timed any of it correctly, resulting in a few fresh scraped to the hull. They complimented the carbon scoring and blast dents nicely.

With a long sigh, she pulled her gloves off roughly, tossing them onto her control panel. Her helmet followed seconds later.

The canopy rose, letting in the cool breeze that was sweeping over D'Qar. It caressed Nova's face and messy hair, but she did not notice. It did little to refresh her.

From her place in the cockpit, she could see the crew of the Millennium Falcon making their way off the ship. Chewie was first, carrying somebody in his arms. Nova could tell from the jacket that it was Finn, presumably unconscious for some reason or another.

Rey came out last, looking just as lost as Nova felt. Seeing the young girl alive should have made her feel some sense of relief, but unfortunately, her mind was on one track and one track only.