What He Left Behind

Chapter 5

BELLAMY POV

31 July 2150

"Hey, princess. Me again. You know, a part of me was hoping that this would be easier by now. I mean, it's been four months. Only four years and eight months to go, but who's counting? Anyway, there's not much to report here. Emori and Murphy split. Monty's algae hasn't put anyone else in a coma, at least not yet. Raven hasn't figured out how to get us home yet, but she will. I'll come home to you, Clarke, I promise."

I finish my call to Clarke and lay down on my makeshift bed in the corner of the communications room. I can't bear to sleep anywhere else. What if Clarke calls and I'm not here to hear her call? I left her behind and if she makes contact with us, I have to be here. I have to tell her she's not alone.

I wake from a restless sleep a few hours later. There's a brief moment, right as I'm regaining consciousness, when I forget about everything. I forget Clarke is gone, and I forget I won't see her for another four and a half years. For that moment, my heart doesn't feel so heavy in my chest. I don't feel broken. Maybe if I keep my eyes shut, I can pretend that Clarke is here and that everything is okay.

I stay in my bed until I hear Monty calling my name, telling me that it's time for breakfast. But as I pull my shirt over my head and prepare to leave the room, I hear the faintest crackling over the radio. And then, a voice calling my name.

"Clarke? Clarke, can you hear me? Hello?" The radio cuts out again, but not before I hear her call my name one more time. "Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

And just like that, I fall apart all over again. I kick open the door and rush into the hallway. I'm screaming, punching the wall, anything to make my heart hurt less. I feel a set of hands grab my arms and hold them behind my back.

"Hey, hey, hey, maybe we shouldn't try to smash holes in the only thing keeping us alive for the next five years, yeah?" It's Monty. Always the sensible one. Now isn't the time for sensibility, though, I'm far too hurt for that now.

"I heard her, Monty. I heard Clarke." He looks at me with uncertain eyes.

"Bellamy, you know our radio is broken. Our whole communications system is down. I don't know what you heard, but it wasn't Clarke."

At this point, everyone else has started to make their way toward the comms room. I feel anger rising in my chest over Monty's words and everyone else's stares.

"You're wrong. I'd recognize her voice anywhere, it was Clarke. She needs me, I have to tell her she's not alone!" I rush through the door and toward the radio again, only to feel hands on my arms and shoulders pulling me away. I struggle, but I can't free myself from the hold that Monty and Murphy have on me. "None of you have any right to come in here and tell me what I did or didn't hear. You have no idea what I'm going through!" Monty and Murphy manage to get me into my bed, each sitting next to me holding me in place.

Raven looks at Harper and they share a knowing look as Raven signals for everyone else to leave. I'm vaguely aware of movement behind me, but it's not until I hear Raven's voice that I realize she is now where Monty and Murphy were moments ago, sitting beside me on my bed. Harper kneels on the floor in front of me, places one hand on my knee, and holds my hands with the other. She begins to hum, softly, and rubs her thumb along the outside of my hands. I'm sobbing inconsolably, I should be ashamed of how weak I'm being, but all I can think about is Clarke's voice calling my name.

"Close your eyes for a minute and relax. Focus on my voice," Raven says calmly as she guides my head towards her chest, where I can hear her heart beating steadily. "Ai giv ai op gon nemiyon kom lanik-de. Come on, Bellamy, say it with me. Ai giv ai op..."

"Ai giv ai op," I stutter, trying to calm my breathing enough to speak.

"Gon nemiyon..."

"Gon nemiyon..."

"Kom lanik-de."

"Kom lanik-de." I don't know what any of it means, but I feel markedly calmer than I was just minutes before.

Harper's eyes meet mine again as she says, "You and Clarke together are unstoppable. You can change the tides, create worlds. Your love is like a force of nature and nothing, nothing is going to keep you two from finding each other again. Okay?"

I feel the sting of a needle in my neck and I start feeling drowsy. The last thing I hear before drifting out of consciousness is Harper's humming in my ear.

Trigedasleng Translations (Line by line.)

I give myself to the miracle of the sea.