What He Left Behind

Chapter 13

CLARKE POV

15 July 2155

"So today is Madi's 11th birthday, and we've got big plans. She really wants to dye her hair today, so she and the twins are out picking the berries that we'll use as hair dye later. I haven't let the twins dye their hair yet, they're only four after all, but today is a special occasion so I'm going to let them join in on the fun.

"I'm happy. Well, as happy I can be without you. I love our kids, and we have a good life, but I'm not the same person without you. I haven't been myself for over five years. It's crazy, I only knew you for 200 days before Praimfaya and yet I feel like my heart has known you forever. You changed me. I never told you this, I didn't realize it myself until it was too late, but I was falling in love with you. I am in love with you, Bellamy Blake, and I always will be.

"It's been safe for you to come home for three and a half months now. You're late, 107 days late. Why haven't you come home? I don't know if you can hear me and you just can't talk back or what's going on, but I have to talk to you or I'm going to go insane at the thought of losing you. If I have to call you every day for the rest of my life, I'll do that Bell. I'll do it for you. I have to tell you about what's happening in your babies' lives. Someday, maybe they'll call you too. If you can hear me, Bell, don't give up on us. We love you, and we're here waiting for you."

I try to hide it from the kids, but the truth is that I'm terrified that he's not coming home. I know him, and he would be here by now if he had any say in the matter. But he's not here, which means something is very, very wrong. Lately, my nightmares that plagued me the first few months after Praimfaya have returned to haunt me again. Nightmares that revolve around his death. I see his beautiful, olive skin turning an ashy white. I see the light leaving his eyes. I feel the man who once radiated love and warmth turning cold.

I find myself wondering if they even made it onto the Ring. I realigned the satellite, but did I get it done in time? Did I pull through for him, like he's done for me so many times before? I can't let myself linger on these thoughts. I have to stay strong for our kids.

"Mommy, mommy!" I hear my son's voice mere moments before I feel him crash into my arms, his sisters following close behind.

"Hi, my babies," I say smiling. "So, birthday girl, are you ready to do your hair?"

"Yes! Can we do mine first?"

"Of course we can, Madi, today is all about you." I ruffle her hair and she grins up at me, bouncing up and down eagerly.

Once the berries are ready and I've lit a fire, Madi sits by my feet as I put the berries on her hair. I feel someone tugging on my sleeve and I look down to see Aurora's big brown eyes looking back at me. Bellamy's eyes.

"Nomi?" She asks.

"Yes, strikon?"

"Will you tell us the stories?" She's always been such an inquisitive little girl. She loves to hear stories about her aunts and uncles, both in space and underground.

"How about you sit in front of Madi, and she can do your hair while I tell you the stories, okay?"

She nods obediently and settles in in front of her big sister, while Augustus joins me on the log I've been sitting on.

"Madi, since it's your birthday, how about you tell us who you want to hear about first?"

I know what her answer will be before the words leave her mouth, "Can we hear about Aunt Octavia first?" Octavia has always been her favorite.