What He Left Behind

Chapter 19

3 October 2155

Octavia POV

"Okay, we're here," Clarke announces from the passenger seat and I feel my heartbeat quicken immensely. "Are you guys ready for this?"

I swallow and nod, suddenly feeling more nervous than excited. Sensing my nerves, Bellamy turns around and gives me a reassuring smile.

"They're going to love you, O, trust me."

"He's right, Octavia. You have no clue how excited they are to meet you," Clarke assures me. I force a smile, preparing myself to get out of the car and meet my nieces and nephew.

As I step into the sunlight again, I take a moment to breathe in the fresh air. Bellamy was right—I've lived most of my life underground in some way or another. I vow to myself to never take fresh air or sunlight for granted again.

"Mom, Octavia, over here," Clarke calls to us, pointing towards a small clearing. The clearing holds a number of cabins, the former homes of Louwoda Kliron Kru. Clarke's clearly done a lot of work here over the past few years, clearing out the houses, restoring them, making this place a home for her and her children.

Clarke walks into the clearing ahead of us, and I hear the kids all yell, "Mom!"

As she greets the children, Bellamy walks up next to me and puts his arm around my shoulders. "Are you ready to meet the kids, O?"

"I don't know, Bell," I sigh. "There's so much that you don't know about the past few years. Things I've had to do to keep Wonkru alive. I wasn't the same person Clarke told them stories about. I'm still not. I've changed. I don't deserve to know them."

"Octavia don't say that. I know you've changed. I'm your big brother, don't you think I've noticed? But it doesn't matter. These kids deserve to know their Aunt Octavia and you deserve to know them. They're your family and they'll love you no matter what, just like I do."

Even after all these years, he still has the innate capability to calm me down with his words.

"Okay," I relent. "Let's do this."

He releases me from his grasp and leads me into the clearing, where I see them for the first time. The children are sitting around an unlit firepit with Clarke. Their resemblance to my brother is uncanny, it's clear these children are Blakes. Even Madi, who I know isn't biologically related to us, looks somewhat like her adoptive parents.

Clarke points their attention towards Bellamy, Abby, and I and all of a sudden, the air is filled with cries of, "Grandma! Auntie Octavia!" from all three of the children. They come running towards us, embracing us in their tiny arms.

I feel my world shift when my nieces and nephew embrace me. The troubles of the past begin to melt away as I hold them in my arms. I crouch down to the twins' level and I say, "Hello, little ones. It's so good to meet you."

"Aunt Octavia we're so happy you're here! We waited so long to meet you!" Madi chatters excitedly. I smile warmly at her in response.

Clarke comes by and takes Augustus into her arms. "I missed you, my loves," she coos. They're all clearly elated to have their mother back. It hits me then that they've probably never been apart from her, so it must've been a hard day for them. I begin to miss my own little family as I watch Clarke and Bellamy interact with their children.

"Do you want to know something special?" Clarke asks them.

"Yes, mommy!" they shout.

"You have another auntie. Her name is Niylah. And you have a cousin named Ethan, he's about Madi's age. Isn't that exciting?" My heart warms hearing Clarke refer to my Niylah as her children's aunt. It only reaffirms the sense of family I've already begun to feel with the kids, and the feeling of family I shared with Clarke so long ago.

"Yay!" Aurora cries, running over to Bellamy and jumping into his arms.

"Cool!" Augustus continues, wriggling in his mother's arms to get more comfortable.

"Okay, kiddos," Bellamy starts. "It's getting late, so why don't you show your Auntie O where she, Aunt Niylah, and Ethan are going to be staying?"

Aurora jumps out of his arms, racing to take my hand and lead the way to the cabin I'll be sharing with my family. Augustus and Madi follow closely behind us.

"It's right next door to our cabin, so you'll always be close to us," Madi says, ushering me inside.

I'm touched, glancing around the cabin Clarke and the children helped prepare for us. There are drawings hung on the wall, some of Bellamy and I, a few of Lincoln and I. Clarke put a lot of effort into making this a home for me, and I can't wait to show Niylah and Ethan.

The kids quickly give me a tour of the small cabin before racing back outside for dinner. Instead of following them, I find myself sitting on my bed, lost in thought.

So much has changed over the past five and a half years. I became a leader. I fell in love. I became a mother, something I could only dream of growing up on the Ark. Not all of the changes were positive, though. I was forced to resort to cannibalism in that bunker to keep my people alive. That was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I can only hope my people will forgive me.

Bellamy walks in, interrupting my thoughts.

"What's on your mind?" he asks, knowing me well enough to know something is wrong.

"I have to tell you something, Bell. It's about the bunker, and it's not good. I'm not scared of a lot but telling you this is something I've been scared to do for years."

"O, I already told you, nothing is going to change the fact that you're my little sister and I love you no matter what."

I take a deep breath and begin to tell him the story of how things were in the bunker for the past five and a half years. I can't bring myself to make eye contact with him until I'm done, and when I finally do make eye contact, sadness is the only thing I see in his eyes.

"Octavia, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. All of you. It's horrible, but you're not to blame. Not solely, at least. You did what you had to do to keep your people alive. I know you never saw yourself as a leader, but you've truly become one. I'm proud of you for making such hard decisions and bearing them so nobly. You might feel like a monster, Octavia, but you're not."

I have no words, only tears. I weep and fall into Bellamy's open arms, letting him hold me as I fall apart on his shoulder. I've missed this feeling of safety and unconditional support. Bellamy's forgiveness and approval has always meant the world to me, whether I've shown it or not. As long as I have him by my side, I know I can face anything. Between him and Niylah, I have everything I need.

"Thanks, Bell. It means a lot to me, really. I never thought you'd forgive me for this."

"Of course, Octavia. You mean the world to me, there's almost nothing you could do that would be unforgiveable to me. I love you."

"I love you too, big brother."

"Now get some rest, O, it's late. We're bringing the rest of Wonkru back to the valley tomorrow, and you need your rest. We have a lot to figure out."

With the thought of seeing Niylah and Ethan again on my mind, I fall into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.