What He Left Behind

Chapter 10

BELLAMY POV

31 March 2151

"It's officially been one year since Praimfaya. One year since I left you behind on a burning planet. I didn't even get to say goodbye. There are days where I feel so broken, so numb, that I can't move, and just the simple act of breathing is too much for me to bear. Everyone else is doing pretty well up here. Harper has taken to learning about medicine, she spends a lot of time in the Med Bay, reading old books that your mom left up here. Monty and his algae farm are thriving, and he and Harper are happier than ever. Murphy and Raven are together now, have been for a few months. I don't think anyone was as surprised as the two of them were. Echo and Emori have been teaching the others how to fight like grounders. Grounders in space," I mumble, recalling the time I said these same words to her a year ago, "Still an oxymoron. I have no purpose up here. There isn't any strategizing to be done, there are no troops to rally, no enemies to battle or wars to be won. I'm useless. Who am I if I'm not a co-leader? Who am I if I'm not a soldier? Who am I if I'm not protecting my sister, the 100, or the woman I love?

"You know, princess, I thought this was going to be my opportunity to tell you how I feel about you. I've known for so long, but every time I think I see the opportunity to tell you, something goes wrong. You should be up here with me. We should've had five years to just be together, not constantly worrying about people trying to kill us or trying to wipe out the human race. This should've been our time to just focus on us and our relationship, instead of focusing on saving the world for once.

"God, I feel pathetic. Here I am, professing my love for you and I don't even know if you feel the same way. For all I know, you just got caught up in the moment and wanted to have sex on Earth before the world ended again. Maybe it didn't mean anything to you..." I stop speaking as I hear footsteps approaching me. I look over my shoulder to see Echo approaching me. I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to the dead planet outside the window.

"Look, Bellamy, I know you probably don't want to be around me right now, but I just want you to know that if you need to talk to someone, you can always come talk to me. You shouldn't have to go through this alone."

"Oh, go float yourself Echo. You killed Gina and the rest of the innocents in Mount Weather. You almost killed my sister. You tried to kill Clarke. How can you think I would ever trust you again?"

"If you hate me so much, why didn't you just let me die a year ago? What was the point of stopping me if you were just going to spend the next five years despising me anyway? You can hate me all you want, but if Clarke was here—"

"Clarke's not here," I yell, cutting her off.

"She wouldn't want you to spend the next four years beating yourself up over leaving her behind. Clarke didn't lose her life just so you could throw yours away."

"My life," I scoff, "is not a life worth living without Clarke Griffin." I turn and walk away from her, not entirely sure where I'm going, just wanting to get as far away from her as possible.

EMORI POV

-Later-

When dinner rolls around, everyone meets up in the mess hall just like every other night, but with two exceptions.

"Guys, where are Bellamy and Echo?" I ask, seeing as I seem to be the only one concerned by their absence.

"I haven't seen Bellamy all day. Today is an especially hard day for him, so I figured we should all give him some space," Monty says, as he pours us each a glass of his brand-new algae moonshine. I know he's been worried about Bellamy, but he's been grieving too. He lost his best friend.