SLOW BURN

14. six pack

JOSH

I use the sponge to scrub the the side of the truck. It's a sunny Saturday afternoon. It's been a slow day at the station and I couldn't bear to sit around doing nothing for one more second so I decided to wash the trucks. It's something we do when we have free time and are on-call. I'd rather do this than mope around like I've been doing for the past month. I'm tired of thinking and going in circles. The urge to look for Natalie grows bigger every day.

I've been angry at her since the last time I saw her but I'm also angry at myself. It feels like I didn't do enough. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. It hurt to hear her say she still cares about Brad even though I already knew. I've never envied my brother for anything more than I do right now. He has her attention. He has her love and he doesn't appreciate it. It's just not fair.

They've been talking since that night. I know it because Brad hasn't been drinking or picking up fights. He's been doing good and in an awfully good mood lately. I should be happy my brother is back on track and I am but there's the other part of me, the part where jealousy lives, that makes me furious to even think about Natalie getting back together with him. It sucks because it feels like it's coming. I know it'll happen any day now and I am not prepared for it.

I know it's selfish to think about this but Natalie should be with me. If only she knew what I'd be willing to do to be with her. I'd do anything. I don't even care about labels anymore. I'll be with her in secret if that's what she wants.

That's why I'm angry at myself. I should have told her that. I should have told her I understand her and I should have agreed that Brad needs time to cope. Then maybe Natalie and I would be together right now. Even if it's in secret. I don't care. All I care about is having her back in my arms. Tasting her lips again, tasting her skin. I fear I might never get to do that again.

"You're such a show off."

I look up at Oliver who is coming outside. He's a good lad. I chuckle, knowing he's talking about me being shirtless. "What? Didn't want to get my shirt all wet." I shrug.

"The girls are drooling over you in there," he says motioning to the side.

I look through the glass. It's the break room but it has a huge window from the ground to the ceiling. I see Crystal and Taylor. Crystal waves at me with a flirty smile. I wave back politely.

I get back to scrubbing.

There's only one woman I care about and she is not in there.

"I think I need to get me one of those," Oliver says poking his stomach.

"Do it for you, man." I advise.

"Do it for the ladies."

I stop and turn my head and see Brad walking up to us. Walking next to him is Natalie. She's wearing a red dress that hugs her figure perfectly. Her hair is loose around her shoulders. God. She's so beautiful. So effortlessly. My eyes meet hers and she looks away. It's like a punch to the gut. That hurts more than seeing her with Brad.

I turn around. Just keep scrubbing, Josh, just keep scrubbing. I'll be Dory all fucking day today if it keeps me sane.

"I think I want one too," Brad says behind me. "What do you think, Nat?"

I roll my eyes at the truck. As if getting a six-pack were that easy. It takes commitment and dedication. Pretty sure those are foreign words to Brad. This conversation is getting uncomfortable now anyway. Yes, I'm proud of my body. I worked hard for it and still do, how can I not? I do like to show it off once in a while. I do feel a sense of satisfaction in knowing Brad doesn't have one. Especially after remembering how fascinated Natalie was with it. I can still see the fire in her eyes that night. I wish I could see it again.