SLOW BURN

15. he'll do it again

NATALIE

It had been the longest month of my life.

Time usually goes by super fast. The days fly by without us realizing it. One day it's Monday and the next is Friday then it's the weekend and then it starts all over again. Not seeing Josh for a month was the worst. I missed him. I felt lifeless dragging myself to work every day the coming home to sleep just to do it again the next day. It wasn't normal. It's not normal to miss a person this much. It's just not. That's why I convinced myself that I had to get over him somehow. I had made up my mind.

And then I see him again.

So I unconvinced myself. Why should I get over him? He seems to reciprocate this feeling-this yearning-or whatever the hell this is. He seems to feel the same way so why should I force myself to do something I don't want to do? Because I don't want to get over Josh. Right now, that doesn't even feel like it's possible. That scares me but I don't really care right now. All it takes is for me to think about him, to see him, to make my day better.

Seeing him yesterday at the station made me realize how into him I am. I might have subconsciously agreed to go get lunch with Brad in the hopes of somehow running into Josh. It's horrible but it's the truth. My pride didn't let me look for him sooner. I'm only human. I think pride may be people's biggest fault.

"Popcorn?"

I look up at Cassie as she comes from the kitchen and sits back down next to me on the couch. We've been hanging out more in the past few weeks. It's been really nice to have a girlfriend to hang out with. I realized I haven't had one since middle school probably, besides Savannah, of course. I've learned a few things about her. The most shocking being that she is a nurse. All this time I thought she didn't sleep here because she was with her boyfriend and it was actually because she was saving lives. I was embarrassed. She actually had a calling. Her career serves a purpose and I admire her. I want that.

It's late on Sunday and we're watching the Notebook because why not. It's a classic. We're without boyfriends and need to believe in love again. Noah Calhoun is really helping, especially with Ryan Gosling playing him.

"Sure. Thanks," I say reaching into the bowl.

"God. He's so romantic," she says turning her attention to the TV. "Really makes me remember the one time I've been in love."

"With your ex-boyfriend?" I ask curious. I've yet to learn his name. It doesn't seem appropriate nor important to ask considering they broke up.

"No." She shakes her head then looks at me. "I mean, I guess I did love him in a way but I've experienced something stronger. Like, real true love."

I raise my eyebrows and give her my full attention. "Do share, please."

She laughs. "I've actually never told anyone about him."

"Was it a secret?"

"In a way." She nods. "It wasn't forbidden or anything. It was just spontaneous and fast and wonderful." She smiles, her eyes glimmer, as she remembers. "When we parted ways, we decided it was too pure for the real world so we didn't give each other any form of contact." She shrugs. "I fell in love with him."

"Do you regret it?" I ask reaching for popcorn. "Parting ways like that?"

She thinks about it. "Sometimes. I actually hadn't thought about him in a long time. Not since I met Robert. I blame Ryan Gosling."

I laugh. "He is really dreamy." I agree turning back to the TV.

"How is it going with Brad? Is he better?" She asks after a moment.