what you can't have (b.e.)

white teeth teens

inspo: white teeth teens, lorde

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I am not a white teeth teen, I tried to join but never did...

Mila's POV:

"So you're ignoring me now?"

I flinch, one earbud in, the other pulled out of my ear by Billie as she leans in to grab my attention at my locker. My cheeks flush with anger, my music is the only thing keeping me sane in the hallways and she stole that from me.

"So you're stalking me now?" I snap back, opening up my locker wider and pretending to search for something inside so maybe it can swallow me whole. I hear her laugh in a strange but cute way that works for her. I've never seen anybody be so unapologetically themselves, in a place where everyone is scrambling to fit the perfect, popular mold. It's so hard to pretend to not like her, but I need to protect myself from inevitable heartbreak.

Billie reaches out and spins a piece of my hair around her finger, tilting her head to give me a better view of her eyes. She pushes my locker door against the one bordering mine and leans her body against it.

"I thought we had a connection," she says in a faux-disappointed tone. I wonder what it'll take for her to finally get bored of me and move onto somebody else. I smack her hand away from my hair, slam the locker shut and stare straight into her eyes, trying to ignore with all my power the way her eyes make me swoon.

"You're Billie Eilish, right? You can literally be friends with anyone else if you just said the word," I point out, and she sighs in exhaustion and pounds her fist against the locker. I know it was in a playful way but I've been trained to jerk back when the fists come flying at me. Billie's expression grows confused at my reaction, until her face softens up like she understands. I look down at the floor, admiring her shoes for a second, then I feel her lips against my ear.

"I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna--"

"Mila?" I hear Jennifer call out from behind my back and I spin around, ignoring whatever Billie was going to say.

"Sup?" I play it casual, even though my heart is beating so loud I'm sure they both can hear it. Jen just raises her eyebrow and looks to the side as Billie pulls up from behind me to give an introduction no one asked for.

"I'm Billie," she says, extending her hand to Jennifer. Her eyes linger over Billie's hand floating out between them but she doesn't reach out to grab it.

"I know."

Billie sighs and rolls her eyes, swinging her hand to press against the locker and looking back to me. Her eyes carry so much intensity it's impossible for me to not catch them.

"Answer my messages," she commands and I reluctantly nod, feeling embarrassed that my best friend had to see all this go down. Billie saunters off in the opposite direction and Jennifer stays where she is, like she's still too uncomfortable to come closer.

"So you two.."

My head drops to the side, like 'come on, are you fr?'

"Straight," I tap the side of my forehead, a way of expressing that every girl to me is straight until proven otherwise; I'm loveproof.

"You couldn't tell if someone is gay even if they're standing right in front of you," she teases and I narrow my eyes in denial.

"Whatever, if anything, Billie's one of those straight girls that mess with your feelings just to feel wanted, then back out when it starts to get real, insisting they're not gay," I pick Billie apart, sure that's what it has to be. What else would she want with me?