what you can't have (b.e.)

greek god

A/N: this song is my entire life and I listen to it at least 30 times a day okay you didn't need to know that but i've been planning this chapter FOREVER and yeet 

inspo: greek god, conan gray :'(

~

I don't really care if you like me or not, but I know that you want me to. Anything I do I know you're gonna watch to rumor up that I'm a fool...

Mila's POV:

"If one more person asks to take a picture with me we're getting the fuck out of here," Billie whispers in my ear and I crack a smile, holding my pinky in the air for her to link hers onto and promise. The party itself is the stupidest thing I've ever witnessed, but what makes it fun is people-watching with Billie. We make bets on who's gonna cheat on their boyfriends and with who, on which kids will pass out then start drinking again, and on when someone will make a scene. No one bothers us until they look closer and see Billie, and stumble over and take a blurry selfie with her.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, be back in a sec," I yell over the music so she can hear me and she makes a dramatic pouty face, not letting go of my hand until I let go and start to walk away. I look back at her and smile when she mouths: 'hurry.'

When I can't see her anymore, I feel nervous and out of place, like everyone's staring at me, but I know it's probably just in my head. I almost fall over when some guy knocks into my shoulder, spilling punch clearly spiked all over Billie's sweatshirt.

"Heyyy you're Billie's friend right?" he slurs and I just gape at the growing stain then back at him, and when he doesn't even notice what he did, I nod.

"Why is she friends with you, though?"

I cringe at the words, because this whole time I've been wondering that myself, and hearing him say that makes me realize maybe I do have a reason to be worried. If other people are thinking it and saying it to my face...

"I don't know, probably just feels bad for me," I mumble, feeling hot tears sting in my eyes but I'm not going to start crying in front of him. His face is blank until he has some lightbulb moment and he nods like he knew there had to be a reason. There has to be a reason because she couldn't possibly just enjoy spending time with me.

"Oh, that makes more sense," he laughs and walks away, never once apologizing for spilling his drink on me. I take a breath and keep pushing through, wanting to get back to Billie already.

I try to rub out the stain in the bathroom but it only makes it more noticeable and it spreads, so I wipe my eyes and push back out through crowds of people grinding against each other. I feel someone grab my hand and I turn around in excitement, hoping it was Billie coming to find me. My face falls when I notice one of the skinny blonde girls and not her. It's so funny to me that last year I would've killed to be here, idolized and would've done anything to be this girl's friend. That's a lie I wanted her to not be straight and to like me, but now I see how superficial everything is.

"You're Maya, right?"

"Mila," I correct, annoyed that I'm blushing over it.

"Not like it matters," she smirks and turns around, but I grab her shoulder and glare at her, wanting her to take it back.

"Okay, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one even invited you. You're here only because Billie brought you, and she looks like she's doing fine without you, so maybe you should just go," she talks like she pities me and is letting me in on some big secret. I turn around to see where she's looking, and my jaw drops in disbelief.