what you can't have (b.e.)

saturday nights

A/N: did anyone else lowkey freak out when billie changed her insta pfp sksks

inspo: saturday nights, khalid

~

They only know what you let them see...

Mila's POV:

We walk slow all the way back, it feels like it takes hours when it's only minutes. When we stop in front of my house, Billie looks at me, but I look away. It's that feeling where I don't want to walk in but I know the longer I take the angrier he'll be.

"So, uh, see you later, maybe?" I start to say goodbye, my eyes tracing up from the ground to rest on the front door. Billie doesn't say anything back and wavers in place, like she doesn't want me to leave just as much as I want her to stay.

"Do you want me to come inside with you just in case?" she suggests and I nod back a little too eagerly, and quickly play it off with a shrug. When neither of us move, she rolls her eyes and starts walking ahead of me to my door, and I feel relieved because I could never ask her to do that out loud. She stops at the doorstep and I push ahead, twisting the doorknob and signalling for her to wait a second for me to go in first. I hear the drone of the TV and nod for her to follow me to my room, and we slide off our shoes at the front to walk quieter.

I freeze before the living room, seeing my dad's back turned, and Billie crashes into me from behind. Tripping over my feet, he turns around and narrows his eyes, opening his mouth to probably yell something at me until he notices Billie beside me. His face tightens up and lips twist into a forced smile, but the look in his eyes tells me he wants to talk to me, alone.

"Hey, I'm gonna talk to him for a minute, can you take my stuff up to my room? It's the last one down the hall," I whisper and slip my bag off my shoulder. Billie's eyes go from my dad to me, and her lips bend down into a frown.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she presses and I fake a smile and nod until she reluctantly grabs my bag, her fingers lingering over mine for what feels like longer than it should.

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Billie just looks at me like she wants to say something, until my dad clears his throat obnoxiously loud and she waves at him and walks past. I keep my head down and walk towards the couch when she's gone.

"I was going to call the cops if you didn't come home by tonight," he says blankly, looking past me at the screen. Anger bubbles up in my chest before I can keep it down.

"You're the one that told me to leave!"

He picks up a beer bottle and chugs it, slamming it down next to four empty ones on the side table, and cocks his head to the side, finally looking at me. I silently pray he doesn't make another scene, at least not with Billie here. I knew I shouldn't have let her come inside, I just thought she'd make it feel safer.

"I'm sorr--"

"Shut up."

I do what he says and hope if he hits me he does it quietly; I want to keep Billie as long as I can before she gets scared away.

~

All the things that I know, that your parents don't...

Billie's POV:

I set Mila's bag at the foot of her bed and sit on the side, counting seconds in my head and wondering if leaving her there with him was a good idea when she seemed to silently scream that she wanted out. A minute passes until I blush at the sound of Ocean Eyes ringing from Mila's phone in her backpack. I reach into the side pocket and pull it out, but it ends before I can answer.

One missed call from: Jen <3

My heart shrivels up a little at the heart next to her name. I wish I didn't care over something so stupid like that, but for some reason I do. But only in a friend type of way.

The phone starts ringing again and I stare at the screen for a couple of seconds until I decide to just answer it for her.

"Mila, thank god, when are you coming back here? And how did it go with--her?" Jennifer's voice fills my ears and instantly makes me want to punch her through the phone. The way her voice grew annoyed at 'her' pisses me off more than it should.

"She has a name you know: Billie. But you already know that, if I remember right," I snap, a little pleased at the sharp intake of air on the other side of the line.

"Where is she," Jennifer ignores my words and demands for answers. I decide to pull back the inner bitch and not give her an actual reason to hate me.

"She's home, talking to her dad right now though."

"Why are you there?" she asks, and even if it wasn't meant to hurt my feelings, I don't get why she had to say it like that, like it's so impossible to believe.

"Cause we're chillin', is that a problem?" I say sweetly, wishing I could see her expression right now.

"I don't know, is it?" she responds right after I finish and I scoff.

"What is your problem with me, bro?" I finally cut the bullshit and hope she does too.

"I just don't get why all of a sudden you're so interested in Mila."

I wait to answer, but I've been holding back the reasons from myself so I don't think I could tell Jennifer even if I wanted to or trusted her even a little.

"She's cool."

I hear an 'mhmm' from her and roll my eyes, my hands tightening around the corner of the blanket. I really shouldn't have even answered the phone.

"What. Is. Your. Fucking. Problem?" I space out the words and spit each one out slowly.

"I don't know bro, it seems like the only reason you're interested in Mila is because she isn't."

With that, I don't even want to pretend like I give a single fuck what she thinks of me, because she's already decided in her mind that she doesn't like me.

"Listen Jennifer--"

I hear Mila's footsteps and quickly hang up and slip the phone back in the pocket, standing up as soon as she walks through the door and gently closes it once she steps in. She leans her forehead against it, keeping her hand on the doorknob as her hand shakily locks it behind her.

"Hey... you good?" I whisper because it feels like one of those moments where I shouldn't be saying anything at all. Mila nods, finally turning around so I can see her face, but she turns her head down and holds her palm over her cheek. I carefully walk over to her and reach out to put a hand on her shoulder but she flinches away from me.

"Mila..." I call her name and she meets my eyes with red ones that sting with tears I can tell she's trying so hard to keep from falling. I reach out again, this time to bring her hand away from her face, revealing a red mark fast becoming a bruise. I squeeze her hand and feel a mixture of fear and guilt for not doing anything, but now I will, even if it's too late.

I walk past her and start grabbing my bag, and her face falls, misreading my intentions.

"Oh, so you're going home then?" Mila tries to smile like it's all good, but it falters. I grab her bag and pass it to her, seeing the confusion on her face I respond.

"Yeah, and you're coming too."

They don't care like I do, nowhere like I do.