(2019 OLD) adore u; seventeen ship shots

i'll be okay (we're okay) ; verkwan

a/n now listen,,, i don't really ship verkwan as much as i used to but this was fuelled by my love for gyuboos dynamic and my love for baby boy hansol. (also i go on a little tangent here, you don't have to read it but i guess you could if u want to. this fic aint even that deep sis lol)

i've realized, through the extensive amount of verkwan fics that i've read (and written), that people tend to write hansol as this overly charming bad boy that likes to get people hot and bothered. and although i understand, and thoroughly enjoy, this trope in some aus (when they're well written) i think that it's far fetched and misinformed. i'm no shakespeare myself and writing the characteristics of real people is always difficult because you're forced to make assumptions about them, but i try to always stay true to their personalities. and i can tell you with utter confidence that hansol vernon chwe is no overly charming bad boy. now i'm not saying that i know hansol like the back of my hand and that my interpretation of him is the most full fledged and the only one you are to support, i'm simply saying that i don't want to add more to the inaccurate characterization of hansol being some kind of cold yet steamy lover. he's a real person and it's only fair to write him as such.

nevertheless, i also feel as if often, in verkwan fics, hansol is always the more emotionally stable one, as if he's always there for seungkwan but that he himself never feels down. i'm all for healthy relationships and that means even support from both parties. hansol has his own feelings, his own insecurities and it's not fair to pretend as if he's always headstrong and never has a down moment, the same goes for seungkwan as often being presented as a damsel in distress that needs hansol to remind him that he's worthy. (ps, yes i do realize that i have contributed highly to both of these tropes and i acknowledge that but i feel as if i have progressed enough as a writer, and individual, to be able to no longer write in this manner)

moreover, the last point i would like to bring up is that its not just people who are a little rounder or fuller that are capable of feeling insecure about their bodies. as much as fat shaming is a thing so is skinny shaming. i wanted to touch upon this insecurity, not because i feel as if hansol has it, but because it's a real thing. i'm not someone that writes angst very often because i end up bawling onto my laptop keys, but i do enjoy tackling real life problems and insecurities in my writing because i feel as if though they deserve to be addressed, and in a certain sense normalized. (not normalized to the point where it's okay to hate yourself but normalized enough to not have a taboo image surrounding men's body image etc.) i've addressed body image before (and with verkwan, in my other book. a chapter titled "the one where chan doesn't know what to do" and there is a trigger warning on that chapter for eating disorders) now this probably won't delve into the realm of body insecurity and eating disorders as much as that one did, and i might even rewrite it because i think certain parts lack empathy and realism but anyways.

overall, i just wanted to dip my toe into the other side of the pool with this idea. i'm not promoting self esteem issues nor am i romanticizing it. i am also not trying to say that self-image issues are issues that are solved overnight and disappear when your lover reassures you. please take this with a grain of salt and see it for what it is.

also i highly recommend you read the article that wonwoo was a part of a couple years ago surrounding body image.

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hansol has his moments, moments when he looks over to the other members and he thinks about who they are compared to him. hansol gets lost in his brain a lot, a lot more than people seem to realise. it's not always intentional. sometimes it happens when he's sitting on the floor of the practice room, and he's watching soonyoung or chan dance and he realizes just how good they are. hansol has no problem admitting that his friends are better at somethings than he is, that's only natural at everyone can be good at anything after all.