(2019 OLD) adore u; seventeen ship shots

all the feelings of the heart; 2seung

perhaps an introspection ahead.

usually, especially previously, i like to write for hansol and seungkwan. much like how i write for yoongi and namjoon. i feel like my internal monologues fit closely to those of vernon, namjoon, yoongi. seungcheol is a member i contrast in many ways, and as my writing often reflects my heart, i find difficulty when writing for people i contrast. however, seungcheol's parental yet anxious image is one i feel closely, and there are some small trivialities which i also see in myself. but i thought that, with seungcheol on hiatus there's a lot more to explore emotionally, which as some of my readers will know is practically my favourite aspect of writing.

i, much like seungcheol, don't like to voice out my feelings, my worries. i try to work through them quietly but writing is an outlet for me sometimes. most of the time it's subtle, not particularly deep ("i'd love to love you", "spring day: a letter to my love", "i know in your head you see me instead"). but other times, i don't think i'd be capable of living as i do without letting out all my ugly sadness and worry into the world vicariously through my writing ("you know it all, you're my best friend", "i'll be okay, we're okay.", and most significantly, "one step at a time")

every fic i've written since "in which seungkwan has never been in love" has been one that i hold close to me in some form. the paragraphs of emotional ranting that has gone into some of those is probably nothing more than tedious for my readers and i apologise for that but i like making humans human.

anyways, i hope that, in this fic, i am capable of writing seungcheol well. i always worry about my representations. i hope that you receive him well. i hope that, despite my contrast with him, i do well.

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seungcheol knows his members better than he knows himself at times, he can feel their energy, their passion, their auras. seungcheol knows seventeen in ways he's never known himself. seungcheol can tell his members love what they do, but sometimes he thinks that the way seungkwan loves it all is so much more heart wrenching.

seungkwan was so young when he came to seoul. so young, so inexperienced, but oh so passionate. at the time he seemed like nothing more than a small town boy with full cheeks and a twinkle in his eyes. but now, now seungcheol knows better than that. seungcheol knows the way that seungkwan positive energy is fueled by his want to have this journey never end. seungcheol knows that seungkwan would sing till his throat went raw and his mind knew nothing but the lyrics. seungcheol knew that seungkwan would do whatever it takes to keep seventeen for as long as humanly possible.

"if you weren't leader, who do you think would lead seventeen well?"

years ago, when they'd just debuted, seungcheol might have said jihoon or soonyoung. maybe even jeonghan. but as he grows up and as he experiences his members he knows there'd only truly be one option.

"seungkwan of course."

seungcheol thinks that he can't even regard seungkwan the only option, it wouldn't be a choice, but a necessity. seungcheol is sure that seungkwan could carry the group to stardom and beyond. but his heart feels heavy thinking about a 17 year old jeju boy with nothing but stars in his eyes and a tightness in his heart having to carry the group.

and seungcheol believes that he's doing pretty good, despite the hiatus he's on. as morbid as it may be, seungcheol thinks that if something were to happen now, seungkwan could hold the group well. with all the hardships that seventeen endure at times and all the moments where seungcheol feels like he can't be the perfect leader, like he can't get them out of whatever darkness they're facing, in moments like those, seungcheol feels beyond grateful for seungkwan.