Connected

Chapter 8: Life

"Is anything me?

My dust of a body,

My layers of flesh,

My expanse of emotions,

My beauty of intellect.

Am I a delusion of nothing,

Or me is a direct result of He?"

The occasional sounds of cars passing by reverberated in Leah's much sought after silence. Jacob muted all this time.

His stillness had allowed her to have her very own quiet time. And it was good as it had made her reflect on some things in her life.

She wished this peace could last. But sadly, like all good things this short-lived haven is about to come to an end because at the back of her head she can already feel the growing nagging question of why? Why did Jacob allow her to go through that terrible and heart-rending ordeal?

"Do you hate me now?" Jacob began as if he had heard her running thoughts.

Leah resigned. "Should I?" She asked back. Her head straightened on the back of the wall they were leaning on.

Unable to contain it any longer she fired the scorching question, "Why?" then added, "I thought you were my friend."

Jacob flinched from her statement. "I am." He responded truthfully. Releasing a heavy sigh he said, "I had to."

"But why?" Leah pressed.

"I had to do it. For you." Jacob answered.

"It's not what I wanted."

"I know."

"Then why!" Leah exclaimed. Puzzled at the same time not surprised because this was how Jacob was this whole evening they were together.

Jacob took a deep breath. "Because I want you to live," he answered meeting her flaring eyes.

"But you acted wrongly!" Leah hotly protested. "After what you have done, my-my motivation for life is gone. You have emptied me of my intentions that I . . . I no longer desire to live Jacob."

"No, Leah," Jacob immediately contradicted. "You do want to live but you just don't know for what reason. Before this you wanted to go back only so you can execute vengeance but after being in that room with them, you know you can't do it."

Leah regarded him with incredulity. With a shake of her head, she looked away from him. All of a sudden, she started missing the old days when she was just a carefree teenager, able to hope for whatever she liked. Then almost immediately her face came into her mind, Hana.

She breathed in the night air and, finding it refreshing, her eyes suddenly stung. A wave of sadness filling her that Leah veered her eyes to the night sky and the resurfacing moon illuminated the deep longing hiding in her soul.

Then unexpectedly and almost impossibly, she broke into small uncontrollable sobs. Her heart shrinking to a pulp. Turning to Jacob, she leaned her head on his shoulder. "I hate you." She at last pronounced.

"It's okay," Jacob readily accepted regarding Leah with sympathy. Whispering in comfort he said, "I won't let you go." Then he patiently waited until Leah finished crying.

After her unforeseen breakdown, Leah raised her face from Jacob's shoulder. She felt her chest  shamefully much lighter now that she had emptied it from her suppressed tears. They said tears are the healing waters of the soul, well there is surely some truth to that.