Connected

Chapter 11: Live!

"The brightness of sun blinded me.

I needed a cloud to draw sense,

Of the truth of my pain,

To regain my footing."

"I joined a church." Joyce volunteered to break the tensed atmosphere.

It happened during one of those excruciating, awkward mother weekends I had to strictly comply with. When I heard of this, an overpowering sense of irritation reverberated in my nerves because why is my mom suddenly springing this on me and what got into her to join a holiness group.

With a roll of my eyes, I pointed out, "You're a divorcee." The hurt that passed over her face was undeniable, and I was unapologetic for it.

Joyce politely responded, "I guess it's why they all the more accepted me."

I inwardly seethed when I heard Joyce's response that instead of backing down it was like I was all the more ignited to ridicule her further. "So is guilt already overflowing in your cup that you needed to empty it out in the church?"

I knew I was being mean, and I couldn't help it. After what she had done in wrecking our family apart, now she turns to religion in the hopes of relieving her guilt for the pain she had caused us. No! I wouldn't have none of it.

"Maybe," sighed Joyce ignoring my derision.

She met my eyes from across the table and out of nowhere she confessed, "Being in church calms me." Her eyes then alighted with an unexplainable joy that I was seeing for the first time and witnessing it unknowingly pierced my heart.

It was then that I was made aware of something different around Joyce. I could sense a presence of peace emanating from her. Its glow surrounding her making me recall the good old days when my mom was her old self then tears stung my eyes because Frank's defeated face suddenly crossed my mind, and it hardened my heart.

Clearing my throat I asked, "From what?"

"Things," Joyce tersely replied turning her attention back to her food.

After hearing Jacob talk about God, Leah couldn't help but think back on her life. Questions such as does she have it in her to believe in God formed in her mind. And can she really trust the drama of the cross that happened over two thousand years ago?

She wasn't a hundred percent sure. Yet, a small voice had managed to sneak behind her head telling her that maybe she would find what Joyce had found in Him. The thing that made her feel guilty in hating her mom in the first place, peace.

Then Leah began recalling another memory, one that she had accidentally eavesdropped on.

"She can't see me like this Frank." She heard Joyce say through her tears.

"Leah is a lot stronger than you give her credit for. She will understand." Frank consoled Joyce trying to ease her worry.

"I know. But it's me. I've worked hard enough in the past to overcome, to make sure that this won't ever happen in my present. My pride wouldn't allow it for her to look at me like this."

"But she is your daughter she has the right to know." Frank insisted.

"No. Please Frank, it will kill me." Pleaded Joyce.

Joyce wasn't always a recluse. When Leah was but a child growing up, she remembered Joyce as always having the brightest smile in the room, bright as the summer sun. Her sweet laughter was a constant factor, it was the life of the house. She always had this overflowing energy of love and Leah was the center of it all and she adored it greatly.