Good Omens Oneshots

3 (IH)

~CROWLEY pov~
Crowley,
Show yourself at St Jame's Park, 2 am.
Don't be late.

Weird, Crowley thought as he read the letter that had slid under the apartment door. It was written on slightly crumpled paper, and had been concealed in a black envelope, with a red wax stamp with an indecipherable design. It had a false Hellish sense, like someone was trying to mimic Hell, for Satan knows what reason. Oh well, s'pose it's worth seeing who it is.

~2:01am~
"Where the fuck is he?" One 'mysteriously' hooded figure asked.

"Dunno." Answered another.

"You sure you had the right door?" The third and last one asked.

"Yes" replied the second one, visibly annoyed.

~2:13am~
"I'm bored." Said the third one.

"Me too, can we just leave?"

"No." The first one said shortly.

~2:27am~
"Hi," Crowley greeted as he sauntered in.

"You're late." Explained hooded figure number 1,

"Yeah, I know, sorry 'bout that, wasn't in the mood for being on time."

"We specifically told you not to be late." Hooded figure number 2 said pointedly, Crowley just shrugged.

"Ok, 1," he put up his middle finger for demonstration, "why the Heaven am I here, and 2" he put up his index finger "who the fuck are you? You honestly look like a shitty teenage cult."

"We are not some shitty teenage cult!" Said hooded figure number 3 in a fussy way suggesting that they were in fact some shitty teenage cult. Crowley raised his eyebrow.

"Violet, shut your face." Hooded figure number 1 instructed. Hooded figure number 3, otherwise known as Violet (apparently) rolled her eyes, not that it could be seen under her hood. "You are the demon Crowley, yes?"

"Yeah, I knew that already so who are you?"

"A real demon?" Hooded figure number 2 stuttered.

"Uh huh. So you are a teenage cult." What was this obsession between teenagers and cults? Was it the cloaks? "Why am I here?"

"We are here to capture you and kill you to do the world a favour." Hooded figure number 2 said.

"God damn it Josh you're not meant to tell him that."

"Ok and that's why I got an invite?"

"How else should we do it?" Hooded figure number 1 asked, irritated by not being taken seriously.

"Tsh ok I'm leaving then." Then Crowley turned around and started walking away.

"Now!" One hooded figure shouted. The other two, which turned out to be Josh and Violet knocked him to the ground and tied some rope around his hand. After realising what had happened and being 'forced' to stand up Crowley chuckled because of the pathetic-ness of all this. Soon he was full on laughing.
"Stop laughing." Ordered hooded figure number 1.

"Kerry do you really think that he's going to listen to you?" Josh interrupted. Kerry rolled her eyes.

"Shut up" she said.

"He has a point" Crowley said, once he had recovered. "What the heaven makes you think you can kill me?"

"Holy water." Kerry stated, somewhat threateningly,

"I can just miracle myself gone."

"You're bluffing." Violet stated.

"Tsh I'm not."