Khawabeeda

●4●

I've read a few comments saying that Fariah is being so easy. She forgave Haider even though he didn't even apologise yet. And that Haider is trying to buy his way out. The thing is you guys need to understand that Fariah is not objecting on Haider's advances because she lacks a backbone. She's the kind of girl who won't even voice out her pain. She is an orphan now and doesn't have anywhere else to go which is why she tried to pay their favours off by doing the house work and she felt uncomfortable asking them for anything and Haider could see that thats why he paid for all her necesseties as it's his duty. Also, she is not able to understand Haider's intentions and was caught off-guard thats why she didn't push him away or something. She hasn't forgiven Haider for anything. If she would've then she would have happily gone to his room with the coffee when he asked her to. And about Haider doing materialistic things, according to me just saying 'Oh, I'm sorry.' isn't enough. You need to redeem your mistakes. And he is trying to do just that by making her comfortable around him. He is trying to give her the things that she is entitled to. Haider is supposed to provide for his wife and he is doing just that. That was the first step in accepting her as his wife. And about apologising, if he just goes up to Fariah now saying 'I don't mean what I said anymore and lets be husband and wife.' would that be a logical thing to do? Nope. She won't go running into his arms just like that. And he needs to accept his feelings first before declaring them to the world. Please try to understand the characters before creating an opinion about their actions.

Enjoy! ❤

Fariah sat on her side of the bed as Rahima was sleeping on the other side. Sleep has decided to abandon her tonight. Actually, someone decided to take her sleep away. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw a pair of onyx eyes ready to consume her whole being. She was feeling restless as she wasn't able to decipher what Haider was upto. Why was he behaving like that all of a sudden when he had told her in clear words that he doesn't want to do anything with her? She was fine with him not accepting her as his wife for she wasn't expecting much from him. She was numb from all the pain she had to bear on her parent's death that the feeling of heartbreak was nothing for her. She had faced rejection all her life and she was expecting Haider to reject her as well. No one wants a brown fat wife, right? Wrong. There was a teensy little part of her heart which wanted Haider to be different from others, wanted him not to judge her on her appearance. She wasn't hurt when he told her that he wasn't given a choice in marrying her and he is not mentally ready to accept anyone as his wife, much less his cousin. She was fine with his explanation. He had a valid excuse. Oh, who she was kidding? There could be no valid reason to reject your own wife. She wanted to yell that at his face but she didn't because then he would've kicked her out of the house and her parental family would have taken her.

Her Mumani told her that this nikkah is just temporary. They'll find a good guy for her and wed her off to him. She wanted to scream in her face that how could she say such a thing to her son's wife, but then again, when her husband didn't consider her his wife, what could she say to his mother so she kept silent. She would've just gotten a job as a teacher since she has a bachelor's degree but her fear of crowds and anxiety doesn't allow her to do that as well. She was so pathetic. She doesn't have the looks nor the confidence to stand with her head held high. No doubt her own husband rejected her. Anyone would have. Heck, even she herself would have.

Her train of toxic thoughts was broken with the call of Fajr prayers. Serenity washed over her with the soothing voice of Azan and she got up to perform abulution and offer her prayers. She caught up a few hours of sleep after and blocked the toxic thoughts. She knew she chipped at the open wounds of her soul by thinking like this and degrading herself but it was her coping mechanism. She told herself that she isn't worth it so it'd hurt less when others tell her that.